Covenant Care's Last Adoption Placement of 2012 - 12/27/2012

One week ago today we were blessed with a son! As I hold my son in my arms this very moment, I am utterly amazed that I am finally a mommy!!! It still hasn't sunk in yet that we get to keep Eli! Little Eli has been a big blessing to us in so many ways. Looking back at the 2011 and 2012 placements is a reminder of how God didn't want us to have any of those children except for our Eli. We are also humbled that wonderful and selfless birth parents made us a part of their son's adoption plan! Thank you, Birth Parents!

Updates on our adoption events, parenting experiences, and pictures are coming soon!  

Covenant Care's 23rd Adoption Placement of 2012 - 12/22/12

After 22 placements it was finally our turn today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so thankful that God blessed us with the 23rd placement of 2012! We are so blessed to have Elijah (Eli) Michael Miller as our son!!!!! Jesus gets all the glory! All this happened in less than one week, so we look forward to sharing the story with you soon! Thank you so much for your prayers throughout our adoption journey. God's fingerprints are all over Eli's story!

Covenant Care's 22nd Placement of 2012 - 12/21/12

God is in Control!

We were halfway to Macon and our caseworker called us and told us that our placement has been moved to 10:30 tomorrow morning because of some risks. The birth mom is having some reservations. She has until midnight tonight to change her mind. Pray hard!!!!!!

Our Christmas Blessing

I love the Christmas season because of the extra intentional time to focus on Christ’s birth and the amazing gift God gave to us through Christ. I am humbled and in awe at the fact that God the Father loved His son and us so much that He made the parental sacrifice of allowing Mary and Joseph the opportunity to parent Jesus. Through that sacrifice, the later sacrifice of the cross emerged to grant us all the opportunity to be parented by God if we choose to be a part of His forever family. This truth means more to me this Christmas than it ever has in my entire life. My husband and I received a life-changing call on Dec. 18th letting us know that a mom and dad love their son so much that they made the parental sacrifice of allowing my husband and me the opportunity to parent their son! We will meet our son today and take him home and be his forever family! Adoption – it’s the Gospel! I’m so thankful God has allowed me to be a part of His amazing plan. The wait – worth it!

Covenant Care's 21st Adoption Placement 2012 - 12/6/2012

One Year Down

Sunday, October 14th, marked one year of our adoption portfolio submission. That means that we have officially been in a year-long period of just waiting (in regards to our domestic adoption journey). Our waiting period has consisted of raising financial support, praying, decorating a room, going through a refining fire, and just waiting. It's crazy knowing that we are to go on with our everyday lives, yet in the back of our heads still wonder if today is the day when we will get our surprise placement call. Below are some reflections on our year of waiting.

What God has done:
- God had in His sovereign plan for us to host a Chinese exchange student. This probably would not have happened had we not been in the midst of an adoption waiting period. Our exchange student, Rachel, has been a true gift to our family. We have embraced her as our own daughter and she has embraced us as her American mom and dad. Rachel really is and will forever be part of our family. Back in September Eric's dad asked us when we would finally be able to adopt a child and Rachel chimed in with, "I'm right here!" Love it!!! Rachel is right in so many ways!
- God has used our waiting time for refining and pruning!
- God has provided.
- God has taught us.
- God has encouraged us.
- God has guided us.
- God has protected and guarded us.
- God has strengthened us.

Struggles:
- WAITING
- being misunderstood
- being questioned
- feeling alone in the journey
- wondering why it hasn't been us yet (even though we know deep down that God has a PERFECT plan and PERFECT timing)
- not knowing anything that's going on on the birth mom's side or on our portfolio viewing side

Blessings: 
- increased faith
- grace lessons
- exchange student "daughter" Rachel
- defined character
- opportunities to share Christ through our adoption journey
- encouragement from others
- allowing Rachel to learn about adoption firsthand
- being able to pray for our birth mom and future child

What a waiting year this has been! How much longer? (an extremely common question) There is no way to know. In the meantime, we will continue to trust God, pray, and stay focused on where he has us right now.

Covenant Care's 20th Placement of 2012 - 10/12/12 004

Covenant Care's 19th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 10/11/2012

Renovations Part 2

Getting a room set up for our Chinese daughter (exchange student for the school year) prompted us to not only paint her room, but also paint the baby room (which we had been wanting to do). Here are some pictures of the finished product.

Baby Room Before

 

Baby Room After

 

Our baby bedding ended up being discontinued, so I am thankful for my friend Hester who picked up the window valance and diaper stacker from a store far away from us. 

 

I've had painted wooden bees that I've been wanting to hang on the walls for a LONG time, so it was nice to finally hang them up!

 

Rachel's (exchange student) Room Before

 Rachel's Room After

 Some of Rachel's wall art that I made from rose pictures I took.

We had fun getting both rooms decorated this summer! The projects were certainly good for our waiting time.

Covenant Care's 18th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 10/2/12

Covenant Care's 17th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 8/10/12

Renovations Part I

This summer was a time of room renovations! Our home owners were so gracious to let us paint our baby room and our exchange student's room. My mom came to help me paint one week while Eric was in North Carolina for his doctoral class. Then we finished up the painting when he returned. The project took MUCH longer than anticipated. The primer we were using at first turned out to be this almost neon greenish yellowish color. Mom and I kept thinking it would get better. :) The top coat paint color ended up being a BRIGHT yellow. Yellow and cheerful we wanted, but you know the paint is bright when you go to a room across the hall and think the light is on in the other room but it's really not. It was way too bright - headache bright. Eric came home after 2 primer coats and 1 top coat in one room and trim in the second room. We went the next morning I found some new yellow paint. The people at Sherwin Williams were so nice and exchanged our paint. I discovered that I LOVE painters tape! My mom can paint a straight line in good time without painters tape. I can paint a straight line if I take FOREVER because I like everything to be just right. I finally gave in to the painters tape and felt so free because I didn't have to worry about painting a straight line! Mom and I had such a special week together working in the rooms. It was nice to finally make some progress in the rooms and to start getting them ready at the start of the summer. The painting week was also VBS week, so it definitely made for a crazy week. Thank you, Mom, for coming to help me and spend time with me! I love and appreciate you!!!! Thanks also goes out to my granddad for helping us get the paint we needed. Rachel and our future baby will be so blessed! Finally having paint on the wall created just the canvas needed to get the rooms on their way to readiness. Enjoy the painting pictures!

 The pictures don't do justice to the new room color, but it really turned out well. Once the painting was done, decorating began. Stay tuned for the real room transformations. :)

Covenant Care's 16th Adoption Placement for 2012 - 8/7/12

Home Study Update

What is a home study update?
A home study is required for both domestic and international adoptions. It is a close study of the adoptive parent(s) home and those who dwell in that residence. Initial home studies require several meetings with a case worker that involve MANY questions (family history, personal history, marriage (if married), finances, parenting, medical history, etc.). The initial visit also involves TONS of paperwork and documentation (fingerprints, GBI papers, medicals, bios, home checklist, family and personal history, etc. - many of the same pieces of information that come up in the home study questioning steps). The first visits with a case worker are away from the home, but the final one is held at the adoptive parent(s) home. This allows a case worker to check the safety and condition of the home. Then the case worker compiles all of the home study notes and writes the home study (a long document that puts all of the home study information into paragraphs to make the adoptive parent(s) look good on paper). A home study is only valid for one year. A home study update involves updating paperwork and a home visit. Then the case worker must rewrite or change the home study document. Our first home study document was around 11 single-spaced typed pages!

What's involved in a home study update?
- Scheduling a visit. Our visit was scheduled later than it needed to be because I wanted to finish out the semester. Then our case worker had to reschedule because she was with a birth mom at the hospital at the time of our originally-scheduled visit. In hindsight, June 20th was God's perfect timing for our home study.
- Updating paperwork. We had to complete the following paperwork for our update: medical form, home safety checklist, dog vaccine documentation, child preference checklist, racial questionnaire, confidentiality form, copies of birth and marriage certificates, family history form, tax papers, a 13-page formal application, and salvation testimonies. Some of these papers weren't on file yet because our previous home study was accepted and used.
- Another payment - $400.
- Preparations of the home for the visit.
- Completing the home visit.
- Waiting for the case worker to write the home study update.

What preparations must be made for a home study update?
- Completion of paperwork (includes a doctor visit).
- Getting the house ready (making sure the house is clean and safe). As usual, I did more than I needed to. I even reorganized our hall closet, but that wasn't necessary.
- Prayer

What is a home study update visit like?
Our home study visit was worshipful and special. Our case worker arrived at 10:30 and stayed until at least 12:00. Most of the visit took place on our living room couch as Eric and I shared all that God had been teaching us during our time of waiting. We also shared about our feelings and experiences throughout the process. Our case worker asked us some questions, but nothing as grueling as our first home study. Our case worker also gave us words of encouragement. We found out that even though we hadn't been chosen yet to her knowledge, out portfolio has been shown. It was a HUGE encouragement to us to know that our portfolio has at least gone across a table somewhere. After our time of couch conversation, we gave our case worker a tour of our home.  

What does it mean that the home study update visit is complete?
Having an updated home study means that all our paperwork is current for us to adopt. Our home study update has been written, but we still have some additional forms to complete that we recently found out about. We also have to get a medical form completed for our exchange student as well as have another home visit so our case worker can meet our exchange student. There's always something. :)

Unveiled

A common part of a bride's attire is a veil. The wedding veil I wore in my wedding was also worn by Eric's mom at her wedding. Traditionally, wedding veils are used to cover a bride's face until she is either given away by her father or before the big kiss. My wedding veil was actually just for looks. I never wore it over my face because I didn't want anything shielding my view of my husband.

Another type of face covering is a mask. Not all masks cover the eyes, but they do alter the appearance of the one wearing the mask. As said best by my college girls this summer after wearing a mask for only a short time, "Masks are uncomfortable. They are distracting. I can't see everything. It's hard to focus." Well said, girls! That's exactly what masks do, and that's exactly why I didn't want my wedding veil over my face!

Although I haven't been wearing a physical veil or mask over my face, I have been unknowingly wearing a veil or mask for years. However, I didn't know about it until this adoption process. Erin, wearing a mask? Yep! I couldn't believe it either and had a hard time coming to grips with that idea, but it's true. What mask have I been wearing? A mask of the try-hard life.

What's the try-hard life?
- setting expectations upon yourself that no one else even knows about or assigned to you
- putting too much effort into things that could be simplified
- letting the to-do list that you made up for yourself that didn't really need to be done consume time that was needed for something important
- pleasing people and making sure that everyone is happy and not upset at you
- trying to make things right that only God can make right
- doing good things but not checking with God first to make sure those good things are good things He wants done by you
- beating yourself up inside when you can't perform tasks the way you think you should
- putting on a face that everything is okay and that you have everything together

Masks and veils are blinders. For years I thought that doing the right thing was so important. I had to make all A's. I had to have everything in my classroom just right. I had to dust the top of the book case before company came over. I had to do as much with our college girls as I possibly could. I had to act like I was fine even when I wasn't because someone had to be the strong one. WHO SAID I HAD TO DO ALL THAT?! I did! I got upset at myself when I had to grade papers instead of meet one of our college girls for coffee because college pastor's wives should be able to be there for their students 24/7 and I couldn't. I got upset at myself when I couldn't have the house look as nice for Eric as I thought it should. I got upset at myself when I was behind on laundry because a good wife is always up-to-date on laundry. I got upset when I knew I unknowingly upset friends, because friends are not supposed to make other people hurt. WHO GAVE ME ALL OF THOSE WIFE, PASTOR'S WIFE, AND FRIEND EXPECTATIONS?! I did! I thought that if I shared what I was really thinking with someone that I would be a burden, even though I was willing to give hours of listening ears and encouragement to help someone else who was struggling. I spent so much time trying to make others happy that I wasn't taking care of my own needs. I have always been a peacemaker when God is the only one that can bring true peace. I have always tried to be a people-pleaser when only God can please all people. I was blind!!! All those years gone by and I thought I was helping people. I was helping people, but I was also hurting myself at the same time. I finally realized that I have been trying to be who I thought I should be instead of just being who God made me to be.

Mirrors reveal so much! I have had many mirrors in my path, especially over this past year . . . mirrors of friends, books, circumstances, and God's Word. Although the mask I had on was completely unintentional and unnoticed on my own face, I saw it so clearly when I was forced to look in the mirror. I knew people wore masks, but I didn't know that I was one of them. Once God opened my eyes to it, I had two options - be in bondage and keep it on, or be free and take it off. I chose freedom.

True freedom comes from God's grace. That's the part I had missed for so long. I've been a Christian for 22 years and can tell people all about God's grace, but I wasn't living in the freedom of God's grace. Grace: receiving something you don't deserve; benevolence; favor. God is the grace-giver! I even have those words on our baby room wall, but I didn't fully grasp that until recently. God's Word says in 2 Corinthians 3:16-17, ". . . whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." John 8:31-32 also talks about freedom when Jesus says the following: "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." Having freedom in Christ is a display of God's grace. The words of the Lord spoken to Paul are still relevant to us today: "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Paul even says in 1 Corinthians 15:10 that ". . . by the grace of God I am what I am . . ." What it really boils down to is this: I had to realize that even though I knew I wasn't perfect, I had to be okay with the fact that it is okay for other people to know that I'm not perfect. I've always had trouble sharing when I was struggling or when I needed prayer or admitting that I was sick. God's power is perfected in my weakness! I should embrace my weaknesses, because my weaknesses show how great my God is. My eyes have been opened to so many other people, even in church, who are acting like they have it all together and really don't. Who said we had to go through life alone and deal with life's problems alone? When we let down our pride and be who God wants us to be and not who we think we should be, we can experience the freedom of God's grace. It's God's grace that has already removed the ultimate veil, so why put on another one?  

My veil officially came all the way off on June 20, 2012 - the morning of our home study update. Thirty minutes prior to our caseworker's arrival, I was turning through Scripture to read about spiritual adoption. On my way to the spiritual adoption passage I passed a verse about grace. The word grace just popped off the page as if it was yelling at me. Since God had already been revealing my mask to me and teaching me about grace, I had to stop and read the verse again. Then the Holy Spirit just came all over me! I'm not a crier, but I began to weep! I couldn't help it! I was so overwhelmed when it finally clicked! It was like a huge weight had been removed from me. In those moments I had another revelation . . .

Often times in the middle of waiting periods we ask, "God, why are you having me go through this? What are you trying to teach me?" I received an answer to my why and what questions on that June 20th morning. In the midst of God's presence and outpouring of grace's freedom, I realized that God has had me in this adoption waiting period to teach me God's grace. Charis is a name that we have always loved since our seminary days - it's Greek for grace. That came back to me as I realized that although we've never met our little Charis/Grace, God has already used her (or him) to teach me God's grace! Our child might not even be born yet, but God has used that child to reveal to me the freedom that is found in God's grace. This was such a monumental and life-changing moment for me. It gave me so much more peace about our adoption. I know I will need to live in the freedom of God's grace as a mom, so I'm thankful I was able to learn this lesson on this side of parenthood! Even in the waiting God is working! 

Covenant Care's 14th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 7/25/12

Covenant Care's 13th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 7/20/2012

My Bad Attitude

May 31st was a challenging and frustrating day for us. That was the day we had to go to the doctor to get our medical forms updated for our home study update paperwork. I know annual physicals are important to get, but I was not happy with why I had to go get one. In my mind, we weren't supposed to be updating our home study for our first adoption! I allowed that thought to make me so angry and in a bad mood while I was in the doctor's office.

While sitting in the nurse's office, I was asked many questions including the worst one of them all: "Have you ever been pregnant?" Really?! Did you really have to ask me that question . . . today?! Then she gave me my TB test injection in my arm while I thought about how absurd it was that I was having to get another TB test to update a piece of paper to say that I'm okay to be a parent. Having the annual procedures done was not fun, and then to top it all off I had the pleasure of having my blood taken! Ugh! I honestly think I hid my inner emotions well, but I was not a happy camper inside. If I would have been the only person in the doctor's office, I probably would have cried!

Was my attitude the right one to have? Absolutely not, but that was honestly what I was thinking. The first time I had a physical for our adoption paperwork I was thinking, "This is worth it because this is what will help me be able to go adopt our international princesses in August." Not this time! I still knew deep down that the same was true: this was another step that will allow us to meet our future child, but I had my focus on the wrong side of my situation.

Later that day I learned about a very difficult situation that a very special friend was battling, and that put everything in perspective. Who am I that I should be wallowing in my self pity over a good doctors visit with a good doctor's report when someone else is experiencing sincere pain and grief for a legitimate and very hard reason?! My heart became heavy for her and I prayed extra hard for her. I was so humbled and reminded of God's plan and timing. He knows best . . . always! Even though I don't always understand why adoptive parents have to go through so much to adopt a child, God would still like me to have a good attitude and trust in Him. Adoption is truly a process . . . a refining process!

The Other Side

On our side of the adoption process, we are having fun preparing a baby room and making preparations to be parents. Although the waiting is a challenge, it's nothing in comparison to the challenges birth moms are facing. On the other side of our adoption process is a birth mom dealing with a crisis pregnancy with possibly no support; at the same time she is trying to cope with developing an adoption plan and the sacrifice of parental rights. The birth mom perspective was told to us before, but it changed from a story to a reality when we actually saw adoption from a birth mom's perspective.

About 1 1/2 months ago, TLC aired a special documentary about birth moms. The show was set in Utah at a home for birth moms anticipating adoption. The three moms showed were very different from each other. Despite their differences in backgrounds and personalities, they were facing the same challenging decision - creating an adoption plan. All three of these courageous women did follow through with their adoption plan, but it didn't come easy for them.

Portfolio Search: For many domestic adoptions, birth moms/birth parents are able to chose a family for her/their child. If using an agency, birth moms are given multiple portfolios to view (like what we created). They look through those portfolios to narrow down their options of who they would like to parent their children. For one of the individuals on the show, she was cutting it close. She was very close to her due date but still hadn't found the family she wanted for her baby. Her case worker showed her some portfolios, but she didn't like those. She was shown more portfolios but didn't like those, either. Finally, she requested about 20 more portfolios to view. It was so difficult for her to pick a family! I'm sure their were many amazing and loving families in that pile that would have been great, but the birth mom had to find the right one for her that she thought would be perfect for her son or daughter. Think about it: You are a mom in a crisis pregnancy situation. No matter what circumstances led to your pregnancy, you are still a mom of a child. You carry that child for months while you try to decide who you will give your child to after it is born because your circumstances aren't the best for your child. That has to be really really hard! To allow someone else to parent one's child is an honorable and sacrificial display of love, because letting go of that child must be hard. I can understand why finding the right portfolio is difficult! Once a family is chosen by the birth mom, the birth mom has the option of meeting with that family for an interview-type situation.

Meeting Families: Some birth moms like to meet their prospective adoptive family prior to the adoption. Meeting a family is not a guarantee of adoption, but it's purpose is to help the birth mom see what the couple in the portfolio is like in person. On the show we watched, the visits went well. The mom, case worker, and prospective adoptive family met together at restaurants. They asked each other questions, talked about their desires for the child, etc. Once the meeting was over, the birth moms still had the chance to go home and think about the meeting to make a decision. The decision can take as long as the birth mom wants it to, but these three women were getting stressed out because they wanted to choose families prior to their fast-approaching delivery dates. Once a family was officially selected by a birth mom, that family was notified (although a birth mom can still change her mind for a period of time after giving birth). Just as the prospective adoptive parents are dealing with an emotional roller coaster, so are the birth moms. As the show displayed, the birth moms were still questioning their decision, going to doctor appointments, making preparations for birth, figuring out what to do and where to go after birth, etc. Then the day finally comes . . . the birth day.

Birth: Birthing time at the hospital was so difficult for the moms shown on the television documentary. They were facing an array of pains: pains of labor, pains of no support, pains of the difficult decision ahead, pains . . . These women were extremely emotional and having a really hard time. They had carried a child full term and then had to go through the challenges of labor. Next to them is a caring case worker who is also dealing with emotional struggles as she tries to be the support and encouragement these women need. Once the pains of labor are over, the moms face the pain of decision: to hold the child or not to hold the child, to see the child or not see the child, to change her mind to parent or stick with her adoption plan . . . On the documentary, the moms decided to hold their babies at least once. Imagine holding your baby and thinking of all your dreams for him or her and realizing that you may never see him or her again. I still can't grasp that, but that's what birth moms face all the time. Once the birth is over, it's time for the final decision: surrender parental rights or not.

Signing Papers: Signing papers to relinquish parental rights was the part of the documentary that hit me the most. These women had a hard time with this, and rightfully so. They wanted to be able to parent their child, but they knew their circumstances weren't good for their babies. They wanted what was best for their child, but letting go was hard. Putting the pen to the paper must have been the worst pain their hearts had ever felt! The birth moms cried and cried. One signed the papers and said to take the papers away because she didn't want to look at them anymore. Another one took extra time signing her papers because she almost changed her mind (and the prospective adoptive parents were in the waiting room and had already been in the birthing room). This was a challenging time for the case workers as well since they had to watch all of this happen in their faces.

After all is said and done, the birth moms leave the hospital . . . with no baby. My heart hurt so much for them! They loved their children so much that they chose to allow someone else to parent them. Sound familiar? God gave up His one and only son Jesus so that I could be adopted by God in return. That's love! Just like any loving parent, these birth moms had to go through a time of grieving their loss. While a couple is celebrating having a new child in their home, a birth mom is weeping at having a child not at her home. However, the three moms were happy with their decision and followed through with their adoption plans. They were able to move on because they knew that their children were being well taken care of and loved. They each went on to pursue their dreams and get back on their feet.

Yes, being a prospective adoptive parent comes with sacrifices, but often the birth mom's sacrifices are overlooked. I will forever love and admire our birth mom, even if I never get to meet her in person. I am so thankful I was able to view this birth mom documentary. It was eye-opening and insightful. My perspective was definitely altered for the better. Eric and I have days where waiting for God's child for us is hard, but knowing what's happening on the other side makes a difference. Somewhere else in Georgia is a lady in a crisis pregnancy situation making one of the toughest decisions of her life. Who am I to rush that or complain about that? She needs support, patience, and understanding. She needs someone else praying for her. She needs God's strength and wisdom just like we do. Who will take care of her and reach out to her? Adoption is a ministry, so consider the other side.

Covenant Care's 12th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 6/27/2012

The placement below is an extra special one to me. Maybe a month or two ago, Eric and I saw a television show about adoption, except this time is was from the perspective of the birth moms and case workers. It opened our eyes to what is really going on on the other side. (I'll have a separate post for this later.) Ever since viewing that show, I have been burdened more than ever for birth moms and the case workers.


Our home study update was supposed to take place on June 12th. Our case worker contacted us a few days prior to let us know that she needed to change the date because one of her birth moms (because she is also a birth mom case worker in addition to being an adoption case worker) was going to have her baby on June 12th.


When June 12th rolled around, my heart was SO heavy and SO burdened for this birth mom and our case worker. I don't even know who this mom is, but I just hurt so much for her. God put the birth mom and our case worker on my mind ALL day! I prayed so hard for both of them for so many things.


When our case worker came for our home study update on June 20th (post later about this), I shared with her my heart and prayers for that June 12th day. She thanked me and said that that birth mom really needed that and so did she. That particular birth mom had NO ONE . . . no family . . . no friends . . . That is a HARD process that the birth moms go through, so I can't imagine how much harder it must have been to go it alone, except for a case worker. This was also a challenge for our case worker because it was an exhausting time and a spiritual battle.


This video is so special to me because it is the placement that I was blessed with praying for! This was the first time I knew the exact time when a birth mom was in the hospital and the first time I knew exactly when our case worker was working with a birth mom. It's amazing how close you can become to someone you don't know just by praying for her!


You can be a part of many adoption processes, too! PRAY! Take some time today to pray for the birth moms who are making/following through with adoption plans. Pray for the case workers who work with these birth moms. They need it!

Covenant Care's 11th Adoption Placement for 2012 - 6/21/12

Covenant Care's 10th Adoption Placement for 2012 - 6/15/12

Kristyn's Graduation_May 10, 2012

During our time of adoption waiting, we were blessed with the opportunity of spending time celebrating my beautiful sister's graduation!!!!! We are SO proud of her!!!!!

You Can Help Stop the Cycle!

Outlet

We may not know when an adoption opportunity to be a mom and will come around, but we do know when an opportunity to play the roll of mom and dad will come around. We received word last week that next school year we will host a Chinese high school exchange student in our home! We are SO excited about this amazing opportunity that God has blessed us with. We did discuss this opportunity with our case worker, and she encouraged us to do and said it would be good for us (whatever that means . . . hopefully not that it will be a long time before a placement happens). Hosting our princesses for two Christmas seasons was a great door to love on them for a short time. Now we have the opportunity in front of us to love on another child for a long time! So far this has helped me tremendously . . . probably too much! I'm a very ambitious person, so I've already ordered her bedding, drawn out some room floor plans, thought of ideas for paint colors, looked at decorations, and decided on the furniture we will borrow from family. Our exchange student will not come stay with us until August, but I've enjoyed already thinking of the decoration possibilities, influential opportunities, and life alterations. Please be praying for our exchange student: schooling, transition, salvation. We have so much love stored up to give, so we are excited to have an outlet to let it overflow!

Now and Later

What's the latest?

No word yet on a placement. :( It is definitely a challenge having to wait so long for something you've longed for for a long time! Technically, our portfolio has only been available for viewing for only 6 months, which isn't long in the large adoption picture, but it is a long time from when we first started the actual first adoption process. Key word . . . long. Although the timing seems so long in our own eyes, in God's timing it is perfect and right on time . . . not a second too soon or a second too late. One of our adoption friends told us from experience that once the child is in our arms, the waiting will be all worth it!

Although no word yet on a placement, we have received an update on when our home study paperwork needs to be updated. It really should be done by the end of May, but our case worker said it is okay for us to wait until the start of June. I am thankful for that since May is a crazy time for teachers!

How does a waiting adoptive parent deal with the wait?

For me, I find it easier to cope with the waiting when I am busy (which easily happens). I can always find something to do. Right now my attention is focused on finishing out this month of school and looking toward summer! Staying busy can be a problem at times, but it definitely keeps my mind occupied.

We have certainly had our challenging days of waiting. Some times it's easy to let Satan have his way with our thoughts: Why hasn't it happened yet? Do people even look at our portfolio? Do we look too young in our portfolio? Is there something wrong with us? At the same time, we have to remind ourselves that the way we are is perfect for the child and birth mom God has for us. I'm so thankful we have God to trust in!

Being open to what God has to teach us during this waiting time is a way to deal with the wait. God has definitely been pruning us both. There is so much God has been showing me about myself that I needed to know before our adoption placement takes place. Although waiting STINKS and being pruned STINKS, what God has done in my life lately has really been a blessing. I've heard so many times that one person cannot please everyone or be everything to everyone. I've known for years that only God can be all that one needs, but I still try to make everyone happy. Now I'm actually learning that I can't please everyone the way I want to. I have to stop making unnecessary expectations for myself. For those of you parents, I'm sure you would tell me that this is one of the best lessons I can learn before adding a baby to my already full plate.

SPEND TIME WITH GOD IN PRAYER AND IN HIS WORD! This is the best way we have dealt with the waiting process. God's Word gives comfort and guidance. It lifts us up and helps us keep our focus on God and His perfect plan. Reading God's Word and digesting it has been incredibly fulfilling during this time (as it always has). Communication with God through prayer is also exciting, refreshing, comforting, and necessary.

Focus on now. Although we wanted a child many years ago, if we constantly think about how we want our adoption to happen right now, we will miss right now. God has allowed us to do things we wouldn't have been able to do with a child. God has opened doors that we couldn't have gone through with a child. God has also put us in places of influence where our situation can really show how powerful and in control God is. For example, I have about 100 teenagers that I see daily in my classes. I don't need to miss out on what God is doing right in front of me through my teaching platform. Also, Eric and I have been blessed with 9 1/2 years of childless marriage together! It has really been a blessing to have that time together! In addition, God is working in us now to make sure we are ready for what He has prepared for us later.

Covenant Care's 9th Adoption Placement for 2012

Covenant Care had its 9th adoption placement on Wednesday, April 4th!

The Most Important Part of Our Adoption Process

Prayer is the most important part of our adoption process. Please join us in prayer:

• Pray for the birth parents - for their situation, their comfort, their direction, their healing, their restoration, their adoption plan decision, their needs (physically and spiritually)
• Pray for the case workers - for their discernment, wisdom, protection, strength, to know who to share our portfolio with, God's words to say to birth parents and adoptive families
• Pray for us as waiting adoptive parents - for our patience in waiting for God's perfect timing, that we would stay faithful in prayer for the situation, for God to use our adoption situation to draw others to Himself, for our time as new parents, for adoption provisions, for encouragement, for our focus to stay on Christ and His plan
• Pray for our future child(ren) - for his/her acceptance of adoption later in life, for him/her to understand one day how much we wanted and loved him/her, to fit into our family as a biological child would, for others to accept and welcome our child(ren), for his/her salvation (to be eternally adopted)

Worth it!

Have you completed a task with intentions of that being the only time you had to do that certain something, and later find out you have to do it all over again? That's sort of what we feel like right now. When we completed our home study last year, we thought that we would have an adoption finalized before now. A home study is only good for one year. That means we have to have our home study updated. With that comes more papers to fill out, more doctor visits, another home visit, and another fee. Thankfully, a month or two ago we received a $500 adoption grant from the North American Mission Board. This grant will cover our $400 paperwork update. This is a blessing because we won't have to use any of the Promise686 money. We are saving the Promise686 grant money for our placement fee.

Last week our caseworker emailed us a list of the documents we need to complete. I sighed and told Eric that I feel like we're starting all over again! We're not, but it feels that way. We will take April and May to complete our papers and then have our home visit in May (maybe June since school will be out). The paperwork will not take as long as the original home study paperwork, but it's still paperwork. It's really amazing all that goes in to adopting a child - we had no idea until we were put in the middle of our adoption process. Even though having to update our home study seems overwhelming and disappointing, our future child is worth it!!!!!!!!!!

Covenant Care's 8th Adoption Placement of 2012! 3/19/12

Severed

It was a year ago today that we first received the news that our first adoption process was at its end. On March 24, 2011, Eric and I read an email from a contact person who was near the location of our international princesses. Her words turned us around 180 degrees! Her email basically said that our adoption of the princesses would not be able to be completed (I can explain in person if you ask, but for their protection I won't mention it online). Ouch! That certainly pierced our hearts. Eric called me during my lunch break to notify me of the message, so that means I read those words in between my classes. After ending the call with Eric, I went to my principal's office to notify him of the news. He listened carefully to my heart and then prayed over the situation right then! That's a loving, Christian principal right there! That was a HUGE encouragement and help to me that day! I then had to go back to my class and act like nothing had happened! If I would have focused on it then, I would have had a waterfall of tears that would have flooded the school. We had just finished our adoption blood work and doctor visits that week, and we were about to send our paperwork overseas for the adoption of our princesses. We began to wonder why God allowed this to happen, but we had to keep our focus on the answer: God has a plan! He knows EVERYTHING and has our best interest in mind! We just had to be thankful for the time God did allow us to invest in the girls and trust in God. It still hurt for a while, even though I covered it up well. I even went to church that Sunday and acted like I was fine. I wasn't, though. However, God stayed faithful and was my comfort.

The following month was waiting for confirmation from other sources to see if this news was really true. It was. After receiving this confirmation, we decided to take time to pray about what God wanted us to do and to not talk about adoption for about two weeks. We also decided to read through a certain part of scripture and see what God revealed to us. Close to that time was when our special friends from church told us about Covenant Care. That conversation is what led us to where we are today . . . adopting a baby from America! The road has been hard and bumpy, but I wouldn't have wanted to travel down any other road! I'd rather take God's best and endure the bumps instead of take what I think is best and enjoy the smooth ride. It was on that bumpy road that God showed Himself faithful, present, comforting, real, and in control. As with many experiences in life, we have been able to look back in hind sight and see God's hand in it all. I can say with confidence that God really does have a plan. Those words in the Bible are really true. God cares for me and my future. God cares about our desire to have a family. It was His truth, love, and grace that got us to this point today - for that alone I am forever grateful!

 

This time last year

This time last year, Eric and I were finishing the necessary requirements for our adoption paperwork to be sent overseas for the adoption of our international princesses. We had been in home study meetings, at doctor visits, at Homeland Security fingerprint appointments, etc. Last February and March were crazy busy. Our home study consisted of several meetings with our case worker. After presenting her with our proper initial documents (which took a long time), we met with her several times to be grilled. It actually wasn't that bad. We had been told that case workers are there to help you, not hinder you. That was so true! Our case worker was so helpful in getting our paper work ready for submission. The home study process is so interesting and time-consuming. That part of our adoption process forced us to think about so much. It was also a time for us to explain every teeny tiny detail about our entire lives. That on top of grading papers was a challenge, but God was so faithful and helpful! Even though our home study was originally for international adoption, our case worker changed it to meet domestic requirements, resulting in the ability of Covenant Care to use our existing home study! 

Friends

There are times in life when you just need to confide in someone who has walked where you are walking. We had one of those times recently. We were struggling with our waiting time, so we called upon a very special couple in our church. This couple introduced us to Covenant Care and offered to help us in any way they could, especially since they have walked where we are walking. We had such a wonderful time with them! To hear their story again and glean their advice and encouragement was so uplifting!!! They know exactly what we are feeling and experiencing without us having to say a word. To those of you currently on the adoption journey or those who will be pursuing adoption in the future, surround yourself with people who have traveled or are traveling where you are. The same goes for any other situation in life: don't go it alone! I've been too good at that in the past, so this process has helped me open up more and allow people in to help. That has truly been a blessing! Thank you to all the friends that have supported us throughout this journey!

The Latest News

Many people are wondering about our adoption status. There is no telling what is really happening on our case worker's side of this process, but on our side we're just waiting. We have not heard anything other than we will need to update our adoption paperwork in May. It's already been a year since our home study was finalized! Unbelievable! We would LOVE to hear something soon, but in the meantime we have to trust in God's perfect timing! It's SO comforting to know that God knows!

Store Spark

Saturday was so much fun! Eric and I took some time to go bum around Babies 'R Us! It was so busy in there because of some major diaper deals. We didn't realize how big of a deal it was until we talked to a lady who was in line in front of us.

We went into the store to look at changing tables again. I know we don't know the exact date of when we will be blessed with our baby, but having an unfinished baby room is driving me CRAZY! I have to have a changing table! Eric and I have been looking at them for months. We even look at TV stands and think about the changing table possibilities it offers! Do you know how hard it is to find a changing table that is low enough for people around 5 feet! We finally found one a while back and went back to look at it Saturday. While we were there, we came across a brand new style! It is the perfect height and matches the baby crib style perfectly! The changing table is so new that the store doesn't have them in cherry yet, so I'm on a list to be called when they come in!

Since we were in the store, we HAD to look around, right? In the process we found a cute blanket toy for our baby! We HAD to get it. It matches the frogs and colors in the room. I had so much fun holding that toy and imagining our baby snuggling up to it one day! It is so soft. I had a blanket that I loved on for years, so I definitely want our baby to have something snuggling and soft!

I haven't really been able to focus on the adoption much the last several weeks, so it was fun to get that spark back and dwell on it some more. We can't wait for Baby Miller!!! He/she is most definitely worth waiting for!

Bountiful Baby Blessings

So much has happened in our lives over the last month! Here are a few of the highlights:

- Eric went to Haiti on a vision trip for our summer college mission trip.
- I ended another quarter of school (fun with grading, planning, etc.).
- We celebrated my niece's 4th birthday and my dad's 60th birthday.
- I almost completely lost my voice, but it came back to me a week later.
- I attended a women's conference with church friends.
- We helped out with some church activities such as The Wild Game Dinner.
- We had a surprise visit from my parents!
- Had time to spend with friends!

I'm looking forward to what lies ahead!

A large part of the last month has been family. In particular, the first Saturday in March was full of family time! I loved it! I'm a family girl . . . always have been . . . so time with family means so much to me! A couple of Saturdays ago, Eric and I had the privilege of meeting Eric's mom for breakfast and then having family birthday day with my dad's side of the family. To our surprise, there were two special adoption blessings throughout the day!!!

Adoption Blessing #1: Baby goodies from Eric's Mom!
Eric's mom gave us a photo album, Baby's 1st Christmas stockings (one blue and one pink since the gender is unknown), and some baby toys! The toys were so much fun to play with . . . I mean look at. :) Yes, I played with them at a restaurant table! I admit it! That really gave me the extra excitement I needed during this waiting time!

Adoption Blessing #2: Baby blanket from Grandma!

Our niece testing out our new baby blanket!

My Grandma asked me a while back for our baby room colors. I showed her the bedding and that was the end of it. I knew she wanted to make a blanket for our baby-to-be, but I had no idea I would have the honor of having the blanket so soon! In the midst of celebrating family birthdays, I was given a gift bag to open! Inside was a soft, beautiful, made-with-lots-of-love baby blanket - handmade by Grandma herself! The blanket was even made in a shape that corresponds with the octagons in the baby room bedding! My niece Abigail tested out the blanket and approved 100%! This blanket was yet another volt in my excitement charger.

Thank you, Grandma and Momma Miller, for the very special blanket and baby goodies! Eric and I can't wait to have a baby to use them!

Refreshment

Do you have a favorite refreshment? Maybe cookies and milk or strawberries and fruit dip? Maybe quiet time in your car alone or sitting on top of a mountain in solitude? Maybe going for a run or laughing with a loved one? Refreshments don't have to be edible, just consumable. What?! Yep, consumable. It is easy to imagine consuming cookies or strawberries, but sitting on top of a mountain? Sure! When I sit on top of a mountain in solitude, I consume relaxation and God's peace. When I go for a run, I consume extra energy and an emotional outlet. Aside from my all-time favorite refreshment of spending time with God, what's one of my other favorite refreshments? Writing.

Over the last several weeks my writing flame was almost out, but its flicker is back! I have really missed writing on our adoption blog. How is writing on an adoption blog a means of refreshment?

- Helps me keep track of our adoption journey
- Allows me to go back and see God's hand at work
- Reminds me of where we've been and where we're going
- Serves as a prayer reminder
- Provides the opportunity for others to learn our story of what it's like to be on an adoption journey
- Acknowledges truths about God
- Gives me a chance to wrestle with issues that come up along the way
- Gives my mouth, head, and heart a place to reflect and release
- Creates a record of adoption thoughts and experiences
- Offers an adoption advocacy platform

I know our adoption blog only covers the adoption part of our lives, but having an outlet to share my thoughts throughout the adoption side of our lives is so healthy for me and hopefully helpful for others. Refreshing? Positively! There are some days that I think time is flying fast, and there are other days that I think our adoption placement day is so far away. However, having a place to record what is going on inside of me during this waiting time has helped me more than you will ever know. Refreshing? Absolutely!

What brings you refreshment? Leave a comment to share if you would like!

Refined by Fire: Fueled by Faith

WAKE UP!!! Have you ever had one of those moments? Over the past several weeks, God has gotten my attention in a way that was uncomfortable and difficult, but he took me through that refining fire only to make me stronger and more like Himself.

The Friday following my wake-up call I read over the upcoming Sunday school lesson. The title of the lesson made me inwardly chuckle and say, "Okay, God. I get it!" The title: "Choosing Repentance: What Happens When You Stumble?" The lesson explanation included this statement: "God's grace includes the promise that when we genuinely repent of our sins - when we grieve over what we've done and do a 180 degree turn back toward truth - we can return to a restored relationship with Him" (Collegiate Magazine: Winter 2011/12 page 48). 180 degree turn . . . sound familiar?

The title of our adoption project is 180 Degrees: Turning Lives Around Through Adoption.  When we first made this blog, our project title was intended to show how adoption can turn around the lives of adoptees. The conclusion of our first adoption showed us that God was using the adoption process to turn our lives around, too. Reading the above statement about God's grace and our repentance reminded me once again that God is turning our hearts back to him through means of a refining fire.

God uses times of waiting as a refining fire. Fires can be furious and destructive, yet they can also be fulfilling and warm. Have you ever sat around a warm campfire on a cold, fall evening? We are in a cold season of waiting, but God has a fire blazing all around us to fulfill and comfort us. Not only are we surrounded by a fire, we are IN the fire. This reminds me so much of Daniel's three friends from the Bible. They were placed in a firey furnace to face destruction, yet God walked with them through the fire and brought them out alive and refined, fueled by faith!

God has certainly used our time of waiting as a refining fire to fuel our faith. We have learned so much about ourselves, each other, those around us, and God throughout this process. I am thankful today for God's redeeming love and grace . . . his fire and rain. 

Covenant Care's 7th Adoption Placement of 2012 3/15/12

Two placements in one week (March 13th and 15th)!!!!! We are so excited for these families, but we must admit that we wish we were the ones in the video!!!!! Pray for these birthmoms who have made adoption plans for their children. While these happy couples in the placement videos rejoice in the new addition to their families, there are birthparents grieving the "loss" of their children. We are thankful to be a part of an adoption agency that ministers to birthparents both before and after placement!

Covenant Care's 6th Adoption Placement of 2012

This blessed couple welcomed a new child on March 13th! This is a sweet reunion for sure!

Covenant Care's 5th Placement of 2012

Covenant Care had its 5th placement on March 1st! A video has not been posted by the agency yet, but I will definitely share it when there is one available. We can't wait until we are the people in the video! I'm thankful already that our unknown birthmother will be choosing life for her child. God has a plan!

Covenant Care's 4th Adoption Placement of 2012

Covenant Care had its 4th adoption placement on Feb. 29th! Check out the sweet video!

Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy

I wish I would have known about this sooner! Read below and watch the video that follows to see what Coach Tony Dungy has to say about adoption!

 

Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy Featured In Free Halftime Video Kit for Game Watching Parties

January 22, 2012 - AdoptionJourney.org

This year’s football fans gathering at various watch parties will have access to one Super Bowl coach’s personal thoughts during halftime. A free downloadable video kit is available to local game watching party organizers which features Super Bowl winning coach Tony Dungy and his wife Lauren.
The video message includes a personal appeal to Americans on the subject of the current orphan crisis and adoption. Dungy is involved with The Adoption Journey Project (www.adoptionjourney.org) to help influence more couples to consider adoption.

“The big win on Super Sunday would be to raise awareness about the millions of children who need a family. I would love to see thousands of local community groups and circles of friends gathering together to stop and consider how they can help,” said Dungy, the winning head coach of the 2007 Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts.

“With more than 100,000 children in need of a stable and loving family in the US, if just a fraction of groups gathering to watch the Big Game influence just one family to adopt, we would make a huge dent in this social crisis,” said Marc Andreas, Vice President of Marketing at Bethany Christian Services, the largest adoption agency in the country.

Information and video from http://www.adoptionjourney.com/share/dungyhalftime/. 

Surrounded

One of the ways of dealing with an unknown time of waiting is staying busy by being around others. The alternative is to hide myself in a dark room and be a sad hermit, but I have found spending time with loved ones much more encouraging. Even for people who do not have close families, finding positive people to be around helps out much more than remaining isolated. Two Saturdays ago, January 28th, my immediate family had the opportunity to come see me for my birthday! It has been around ten years since I have spent my actual birthday with my family (living out of state and then having weekday birthdays), so it was truly a gift enough in itself to celebrate with them! My mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, nieces, and nephew came in person on Saturday, and my grandparents joined in the party via skype. Eric's parents came and celebrated with us the following day. In addition to birthday celebrations, Eric and I have been blessed with supportive family, siblings, and parents. Here are some pictures from our fun day together!

My nieces and nephew gave me a picture collage that says, "We love Aunt Erin!" Uncle Eric had fun feeding his baby niece. I think he looks amazing with a baby, don't you? :) It's coming one day! Dad was loving every minute of having all his children in one place at the same time! My sister made me the black hat I'm wearing! She is so talented and thoughtful!

My grandparents joined in the fun by talking to us on skype. If you look close enough you can see my granddad on the computer screen! That was fun!

Cake is important for a birthday! Thanks, Grandma, for the delicious chocolate cake! Yum! Yum!

We had so much fun eating together and just relaxing together. There was no special agenda - just quality time. Mom made some yummy vegetable soup and cornbread.

Eric and I have really been blessed with a great familial support system! We had a blast just being together!

We had a good time with Eric's parents, too! They drove up early to attend church with us, and then they took me out to lunch. Delicious! Of course, it wouldn't be a second birthday celebration without another cake! Eric and I enjoyed the cakes for a good week! Someone had to eat them! :) Another relaxing family visit! 

Thanks, family, for your love, support, and birthday visits!!!!!!!!! You're a constant encouragement to us along this journey in our lives!

Sufficient

Eric is teaching a series to our Wednesday night college group about tough questions. The current question is Why do bad things happen to good people? During Bible study Wednesday night, Eric shared the following Scripture passage:

2 Corinthians 12:9
⁹ And He [God] has said to me [Paul], “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Eric and I have not even come close to the difficulties and hardships Paul faced, but God's words said a long time ago to Paul are still relevant today. God's grace was sufficient for Paul, and God's grace IS sufficient for you and me. I may feel weak at times, but God makes me strong!

Constant Reminders

Constant reminders are so good! I know I can be quite forgetful at times! Just as the previous post mentioned, God gave me reminders last week of His grace, comfort, and peace in times of waiting. Just only the day after hearing the devotion from my school's headmaster, one of my co-workers emailed the entire staff the following devotional entry. It was truly a blessing and encouragement to me during this season of my life. I hope it will serve as an encouragement to you, too!

January 27, 2012

Oh How Long, Lord?

Transformational Thought

I  am so impatient when I watch TV. Can't stand to watch commercials, not  even
Super Bowl commercials. How long 'til the game starts again? Have  you ever said
those words, "How long?," as in, "How long, Lord, until my  prayer is answered?
How long until life gets better? How long do You  want me to do this without seeing
results? How long do You want me to  suffer? How long do I have to "just hang in
there?" How long 'til my  kids get along? How long 'til my loved one stops drinking?"

When  Joseph was sold into slavery and later spent years in prison, he must  have
asked, "How long, Lord?" When Moses led the Israelites around and  around in the
wilderness, he surely thought, "How long, Lord?" When Noah  was ridiculed for 100
years while he built an ark on dry land, he must  have wondered, "How long, Lord?"
Simeon and Anna had been waiting for  decades, "How long until the Messiah comes?"
But each one of these  trusted God. They respected Him enough to continue obeying
Him even when  hope was almost snuffed out from a worldly perspective.

Perhaps  you are involved in a ministry that seems to go nowhere. Yet, you know
the Lord wants you there. Maybe you have been praying for an unsaved  loved one
for many years. Or perhaps you have a business that just isn't  coming together,
but the Lord has led you to continue. Be encouraged to  revere God by continuing
to obey him, even though you wonder, "How  long, Lord?"

Our  nature is to want our own agenda to be in place now. No waiting. We  don't
want others calling the shots. To avoid discomfort, we demand what  we want when
we want it. My kingdom come, my will be done. But waiting  and patience are powerful
teachers of many truths. This is how character  and many psychological skills are
developed. God knows the right  timing. Bend to His timeline and your peace and
growth will be  unbelievable.

Today,  be confident that God loves you. Examine your life to see what  situation
or area makes you impatient ... frustrated ... irritable. Make  sure you are doing
a good job with your part of the issue. Then accept  that God has a different timeline.
Learn the lesson He is teaching. The  timing glitch is in your life to grow you
... and often to protect you.  That is God's purpose for all that comes into your
life. He has a  perfect plan for you. We all just keep messing it up. His timing
is  always perfect because it is His timing. Follow Noah's example and keep  on
"doing all that God commands." Your decision, so choose well.

Prayer

Oh  Father, Lord, help me honor You by trusting You and waiting on You.  Even though
I get discouraged at times, help me remember that You are in  control and that Your
way is the best way. Your timing is the best  timing. Help me be patient so I can
show the world I am willing to wait  on You, Lord. Thy kingdom come, not my kingdom
come. I really don't want  to take over responsibility for the whole world, even
though sometimes I  act like it. I pray this and all prayers in the name of the
One who  demonstrated perfect timing, Jesus Christ; and all God's children say
-  AMEN!

Purified

Dependence upon God is so important to Him. God sees it as so important that He constantly reminds us that this life is NOT about us or OUR timing. Compared to Moses' time of wondering in the wilderness our waiting times are short, but those times of waiting still seem long in the midst of the wait. For example, when we were in North Carolina, it seemed like a church staff position would never come our way! Many of our friends that moved to seminary after us still left before us for ministry positions. We often wondered, "When, God? Why not now?" It just wasn't the right timing. God had the perfect place He wanted us to be at just the right time . . . that place was back in the state of Georgia at Kennesaw First Baptist Church. That was almost three years ago. Once our waiting for that was over, it was time to wait for other things: a job for me, another job for me after that one, the first adoption, now the second adoption. There is just always something to wait for, even in the midst of everyday life . . . waiting in line, waiting for a pay check, waiting for a package to come in the mail, waiting for summer break, waiting for . . . the list could go on and on. Is that really bad, though? In the midst of waiting it can seem that way, but from personal experience I know that God has important lessons to teach me in those times of waiting.

Just last week the concept of waiting came up for both of us. Eric had some things he was waiting on, and several co-workers of mine shared about waiting. I have really been blessed to teach at a Christian school. It's not at every workplace that staff meetings begin with prayer and a devotion. Last Thursday morning my headmaster did just that - started our staff meeting off with prayer and a devotion. As God has been teaching us, the headmaster spoke about waiting.

The Scripture passage emphasized by my school headmaster was Psalm 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God . . ." Although this is a familiar verse to me, it struck me different this time due to the place I am at in life right now. I later took time to go back and re-read and meditate on that verse. My Bible translation reads, "Cease striving, and know that I am God . . ." The note in my Bible corresponding to this verse points out that "cease striving" can also mean "let go, relax." That says to me that I need to let go and rest in God. I've heard that before and know that. I've even told others that, but right now I needed the reminder. I'm really good at trying to do things on my own and striving too hard at something that was meant to be left simple and in God's hands. That's why Eric often asks me if he needs to go to Moe's to get me an Overachiever. :)

The headmaster continued the devotion time by reading an excerpt from the devotional book My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (entry for February 22nd).

"Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered . . . there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated."

"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God."

Purified is a great way to state what happens during a waiting time. God is always in the process of refining us to make us more like Him, and I have definitely seen that in my own life. Sure, waiting for God can be stressful . . . if you let it be stressful. I can choose to be stressed out by having no clue when God desires to bless us with a child, or I can rest in Him. That sure does make it sound easy and like I've got it all figured out and together, but that's not the case. Sometimes I have trouble resting in God's sovereignty, and other times it's easy. Regardless of what decision I make, it is always more comforting when I choose to rest in God - to cease striving and know that God's got it all under control.