My Bad Attitude

May 31st was a challenging and frustrating day for us. That was the day we had to go to the doctor to get our medical forms updated for our home study update paperwork. I know annual physicals are important to get, but I was not happy with why I had to go get one. In my mind, we weren't supposed to be updating our home study for our first adoption! I allowed that thought to make me so angry and in a bad mood while I was in the doctor's office.

While sitting in the nurse's office, I was asked many questions including the worst one of them all: "Have you ever been pregnant?" Really?! Did you really have to ask me that question . . . today?! Then she gave me my TB test injection in my arm while I thought about how absurd it was that I was having to get another TB test to update a piece of paper to say that I'm okay to be a parent. Having the annual procedures done was not fun, and then to top it all off I had the pleasure of having my blood taken! Ugh! I honestly think I hid my inner emotions well, but I was not a happy camper inside. If I would have been the only person in the doctor's office, I probably would have cried!

Was my attitude the right one to have? Absolutely not, but that was honestly what I was thinking. The first time I had a physical for our adoption paperwork I was thinking, "This is worth it because this is what will help me be able to go adopt our international princesses in August." Not this time! I still knew deep down that the same was true: this was another step that will allow us to meet our future child, but I had my focus on the wrong side of my situation.

Later that day I learned about a very difficult situation that a very special friend was battling, and that put everything in perspective. Who am I that I should be wallowing in my self pity over a good doctors visit with a good doctor's report when someone else is experiencing sincere pain and grief for a legitimate and very hard reason?! My heart became heavy for her and I prayed extra hard for her. I was so humbled and reminded of God's plan and timing. He knows best . . . always! Even though I don't always understand why adoptive parents have to go through so much to adopt a child, God would still like me to have a good attitude and trust in Him. Adoption is truly a process . . . a refining process!