Home Study Update

What is a home study update?
A home study is required for both domestic and international adoptions. It is a close study of the adoptive parent(s) home and those who dwell in that residence. Initial home studies require several meetings with a case worker that involve MANY questions (family history, personal history, marriage (if married), finances, parenting, medical history, etc.). The initial visit also involves TONS of paperwork and documentation (fingerprints, GBI papers, medicals, bios, home checklist, family and personal history, etc. - many of the same pieces of information that come up in the home study questioning steps). The first visits with a case worker are away from the home, but the final one is held at the adoptive parent(s) home. This allows a case worker to check the safety and condition of the home. Then the case worker compiles all of the home study notes and writes the home study (a long document that puts all of the home study information into paragraphs to make the adoptive parent(s) look good on paper). A home study is only valid for one year. A home study update involves updating paperwork and a home visit. Then the case worker must rewrite or change the home study document. Our first home study document was around 11 single-spaced typed pages!

What's involved in a home study update?
- Scheduling a visit. Our visit was scheduled later than it needed to be because I wanted to finish out the semester. Then our case worker had to reschedule because she was with a birth mom at the hospital at the time of our originally-scheduled visit. In hindsight, June 20th was God's perfect timing for our home study.
- Updating paperwork. We had to complete the following paperwork for our update: medical form, home safety checklist, dog vaccine documentation, child preference checklist, racial questionnaire, confidentiality form, copies of birth and marriage certificates, family history form, tax papers, a 13-page formal application, and salvation testimonies. Some of these papers weren't on file yet because our previous home study was accepted and used.
- Another payment - $400.
- Preparations of the home for the visit.
- Completing the home visit.
- Waiting for the case worker to write the home study update.

What preparations must be made for a home study update?
- Completion of paperwork (includes a doctor visit).
- Getting the house ready (making sure the house is clean and safe). As usual, I did more than I needed to. I even reorganized our hall closet, but that wasn't necessary.
- Prayer

What is a home study update visit like?
Our home study visit was worshipful and special. Our case worker arrived at 10:30 and stayed until at least 12:00. Most of the visit took place on our living room couch as Eric and I shared all that God had been teaching us during our time of waiting. We also shared about our feelings and experiences throughout the process. Our case worker asked us some questions, but nothing as grueling as our first home study. Our case worker also gave us words of encouragement. We found out that even though we hadn't been chosen yet to her knowledge, out portfolio has been shown. It was a HUGE encouragement to us to know that our portfolio has at least gone across a table somewhere. After our time of couch conversation, we gave our case worker a tour of our home.  

What does it mean that the home study update visit is complete?
Having an updated home study means that all our paperwork is current for us to adopt. Our home study update has been written, but we still have some additional forms to complete that we recently found out about. We also have to get a medical form completed for our exchange student as well as have another home visit so our case worker can meet our exchange student. There's always something. :)

The Other Side

On our side of the adoption process, we are having fun preparing a baby room and making preparations to be parents. Although the waiting is a challenge, it's nothing in comparison to the challenges birth moms are facing. On the other side of our adoption process is a birth mom dealing with a crisis pregnancy with possibly no support; at the same time she is trying to cope with developing an adoption plan and the sacrifice of parental rights. The birth mom perspective was told to us before, but it changed from a story to a reality when we actually saw adoption from a birth mom's perspective.

About 1 1/2 months ago, TLC aired a special documentary about birth moms. The show was set in Utah at a home for birth moms anticipating adoption. The three moms showed were very different from each other. Despite their differences in backgrounds and personalities, they were facing the same challenging decision - creating an adoption plan. All three of these courageous women did follow through with their adoption plan, but it didn't come easy for them.

Portfolio Search: For many domestic adoptions, birth moms/birth parents are able to chose a family for her/their child. If using an agency, birth moms are given multiple portfolios to view (like what we created). They look through those portfolios to narrow down their options of who they would like to parent their children. For one of the individuals on the show, she was cutting it close. She was very close to her due date but still hadn't found the family she wanted for her baby. Her case worker showed her some portfolios, but she didn't like those. She was shown more portfolios but didn't like those, either. Finally, she requested about 20 more portfolios to view. It was so difficult for her to pick a family! I'm sure their were many amazing and loving families in that pile that would have been great, but the birth mom had to find the right one for her that she thought would be perfect for her son or daughter. Think about it: You are a mom in a crisis pregnancy situation. No matter what circumstances led to your pregnancy, you are still a mom of a child. You carry that child for months while you try to decide who you will give your child to after it is born because your circumstances aren't the best for your child. That has to be really really hard! To allow someone else to parent one's child is an honorable and sacrificial display of love, because letting go of that child must be hard. I can understand why finding the right portfolio is difficult! Once a family is chosen by the birth mom, the birth mom has the option of meeting with that family for an interview-type situation.

Meeting Families: Some birth moms like to meet their prospective adoptive family prior to the adoption. Meeting a family is not a guarantee of adoption, but it's purpose is to help the birth mom see what the couple in the portfolio is like in person. On the show we watched, the visits went well. The mom, case worker, and prospective adoptive family met together at restaurants. They asked each other questions, talked about their desires for the child, etc. Once the meeting was over, the birth moms still had the chance to go home and think about the meeting to make a decision. The decision can take as long as the birth mom wants it to, but these three women were getting stressed out because they wanted to choose families prior to their fast-approaching delivery dates. Once a family was officially selected by a birth mom, that family was notified (although a birth mom can still change her mind for a period of time after giving birth). Just as the prospective adoptive parents are dealing with an emotional roller coaster, so are the birth moms. As the show displayed, the birth moms were still questioning their decision, going to doctor appointments, making preparations for birth, figuring out what to do and where to go after birth, etc. Then the day finally comes . . . the birth day.

Birth: Birthing time at the hospital was so difficult for the moms shown on the television documentary. They were facing an array of pains: pains of labor, pains of no support, pains of the difficult decision ahead, pains . . . These women were extremely emotional and having a really hard time. They had carried a child full term and then had to go through the challenges of labor. Next to them is a caring case worker who is also dealing with emotional struggles as she tries to be the support and encouragement these women need. Once the pains of labor are over, the moms face the pain of decision: to hold the child or not to hold the child, to see the child or not see the child, to change her mind to parent or stick with her adoption plan . . . On the documentary, the moms decided to hold their babies at least once. Imagine holding your baby and thinking of all your dreams for him or her and realizing that you may never see him or her again. I still can't grasp that, but that's what birth moms face all the time. Once the birth is over, it's time for the final decision: surrender parental rights or not.

Signing Papers: Signing papers to relinquish parental rights was the part of the documentary that hit me the most. These women had a hard time with this, and rightfully so. They wanted to be able to parent their child, but they knew their circumstances weren't good for their babies. They wanted what was best for their child, but letting go was hard. Putting the pen to the paper must have been the worst pain their hearts had ever felt! The birth moms cried and cried. One signed the papers and said to take the papers away because she didn't want to look at them anymore. Another one took extra time signing her papers because she almost changed her mind (and the prospective adoptive parents were in the waiting room and had already been in the birthing room). This was a challenging time for the case workers as well since they had to watch all of this happen in their faces.

After all is said and done, the birth moms leave the hospital . . . with no baby. My heart hurt so much for them! They loved their children so much that they chose to allow someone else to parent them. Sound familiar? God gave up His one and only son Jesus so that I could be adopted by God in return. That's love! Just like any loving parent, these birth moms had to go through a time of grieving their loss. While a couple is celebrating having a new child in their home, a birth mom is weeping at having a child not at her home. However, the three moms were happy with their decision and followed through with their adoption plans. They were able to move on because they knew that their children were being well taken care of and loved. They each went on to pursue their dreams and get back on their feet.

Yes, being a prospective adoptive parent comes with sacrifices, but often the birth mom's sacrifices are overlooked. I will forever love and admire our birth mom, even if I never get to meet her in person. I am so thankful I was able to view this birth mom documentary. It was eye-opening and insightful. My perspective was definitely altered for the better. Eric and I have days where waiting for God's child for us is hard, but knowing what's happening on the other side makes a difference. Somewhere else in Georgia is a lady in a crisis pregnancy situation making one of the toughest decisions of her life. Who am I to rush that or complain about that? She needs support, patience, and understanding. She needs someone else praying for her. She needs God's strength and wisdom just like we do. Who will take care of her and reach out to her? Adoption is a ministry, so consider the other side.

You Can Help Stop the Cycle!

Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy

I wish I would have known about this sooner! Read below and watch the video that follows to see what Coach Tony Dungy has to say about adoption!

 

Super Bowl Winning Coach Tony Dungy Featured In Free Halftime Video Kit for Game Watching Parties

January 22, 2012 - AdoptionJourney.org

This year’s football fans gathering at various watch parties will have access to one Super Bowl coach’s personal thoughts during halftime. A free downloadable video kit is available to local game watching party organizers which features Super Bowl winning coach Tony Dungy and his wife Lauren.
The video message includes a personal appeal to Americans on the subject of the current orphan crisis and adoption. Dungy is involved with The Adoption Journey Project (www.adoptionjourney.org) to help influence more couples to consider adoption.

“The big win on Super Sunday would be to raise awareness about the millions of children who need a family. I would love to see thousands of local community groups and circles of friends gathering together to stop and consider how they can help,” said Dungy, the winning head coach of the 2007 Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts.

“With more than 100,000 children in need of a stable and loving family in the US, if just a fraction of groups gathering to watch the Big Game influence just one family to adopt, we would make a huge dent in this social crisis,” said Marc Andreas, Vice President of Marketing at Bethany Christian Services, the largest adoption agency in the country.

Information and video from http://www.adoptionjourney.com/share/dungyhalftime/. 

Heart Beat

Truth #1 about Adoption: 

Adoption is at the Heart of the Gospel 

Galatians 4:4-7

⁴ But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, ⁵ so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. ⁶ Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” ⁷ Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God. 

Why and how is adoption at the heart of the Gospel?
Verse 4 - "But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law."


What does verse 4 mean?

• "Fullness" means fulfillment; the completion of God's redemptive purposes founded on the person of Christ (Expository Dictionary of Bible Words).
• Even before God created the world, He knew the exact point in time that Jesus would come to earth.
• When God set the stars in their place and put the planets in their orbits, He laid out their paths that at just the right time, they would announce the coming of the Messiah to the world.
• "God sent forth His Son" - Jesus Christ is the eternally divine Son of God sent forth from heaven. John 1:14 says, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth."
• "Born under the law" - Jesus was a Jewish man and adhered to Jewish laws.
• All of this together set the climate for Christ's birth and our redemption. Paul makes the point in Galatians that Jesus came to earth. 1) Jesus was born of a woman and born under the Law. 2) Jesus was born a man, like all other men, but at the same time He was fully God. 3) Philippians 2:4-8 says that Jesus emptied Himself and was born a man so that He could be our substitute. He was God and lived a perfect life . . . perfectly obedient to the Law that He had established.
• John MacArthur says, "He [Jesus] had to be fully God in order for His sacrifice to have the infinite worth necessary to atone for the sin of mankind. He also had to be fully man in order to represent mankind and take the penalty of sin upon Himself in man's behalf" (John MacArthur's commentary on Galatians).
• Adoption is at the heart of the Gospel as Jesus came to take our sin. He did this because He loves us just as we are.

How does Galatians 4 apply to me?

As we receive forgiveness from God, our relationship with God changes forever. Ephesians 2 says that we move from being objects of wrath, from being children of the devil, from being strangers, and from being those living in the kingdom of darkness to being in the family of God. The question is this: Have you been adopted into the family of God? Meaning, have you surrendered your life to follow Him? The Bible tells us that we are sinners and have fallen short of God's glory (Romans 3:23) and that the penalty for our sins is death. The good news is that God gives us the FREE gift of eternal life (Romans 6:23). As we realize this, we must confess that Jesus is Lord, and He will save us from our sins and adopt us as His sons and daughters. We are adopted, and you can be, too!

Times Have Changed but Challenges Remain

http://sharetv.org/shows/little_house_on_the_prairie_1974

Last Friday night Eric and I had a date night. After a dinner out (thanks to Eric's leftover birthday gift card), Eric and I came home and watched a movie on TV. When Eric fell asleep on the couch, I flipped through some channels and came upon one of my favorite television shows: Little House on the Prairie. I know it's an old show, but I just can't pass up a good, wholesome show from my childhood. I remember when Michael Landon, the dad (Charles Ingalls), was really sick. One morning as a little girl, I went to my basement and typed him a letter on our typewriter! I have obviously been a fan for a long time!

Friday night's episode happened to be about adoption! Of course I had to watch it! A sibling set of three was left orphaned after their mother's passing. Charles Ingalls was the one left responsible for finding a home for the children. Two individuals stepped up to adopt the children, but that meant the two older boys would be in one home and the younger sister would be in another home far away. The show closed with the adoptive father having a change of heart. He ended up getting married to a wonderful lady, and together they adopted all three children so they could be kept together. This was truly a happy ending to the story!

This episode highlighted two main adoption situations: 1) the change of adoption over time; 2) the struggle of finding adoptive homes for sibling sets.

THE CHANGE OF ADOPTION OVER TIME
How I wish adoption was still as quick and "easy" as it was in Friday night's episode of Little House on the Prairie! "Easy" means no paperwork hassles like today. Charles Ingalls wrestled with the issue of separating the children, so it really wasn't easy for him. He did the best he could, but he really had a hard time finding families willing to adopt three children at once. Regardless, in the 1800s depicted in the show, adoption was a quicker process. For example, this lady told Charles that she wanted to adopt the little girl. She spent a little time getting to know her, and that was it. The adoption was as simple as an agreement to adopt: "Yes, I would like to adopt the little girl." "Okay. You may take her home." The process is definitely more complex today.

"Orphan Trian" http://darkwing.uoregon.edu/~adoption/topics/orphan.html

Although the complexity of adoption has changed over time, finding homes for children was still a big deal in the 1800s (even though a TV show simplified it somewhat). For example, in 1851, "Massachusetts passed the first modern adoption law, recognizing adoption as a social and legal operation based on child welfare rather than adult interests" ("Timeline of Adoption History"). In 1854, orphan trains were instituted ("Timeline of Adoption History"). The orphan trains information is especially interesting. Orphans from New York were taken across the country by train so that other people could look at them and decide if they wanted to adopt them. This was a very informal adoption process with little investigation ("Orphan Trains").

THE STRUGGLE FOR FINDING ADOPTIVE HOMES FOR SIBLINGS
This issue is not limited to an episode of Little House on the Prairie. It is still a prevalent issue today. It is challenging for families to take in multiple children at one time (finances, space, jobs, etc.). In fact, when I delivered toys to Calvary Children's Home, the executive director explained that this exact issue is what played a role in the development of that home. A large sibling set needed a home, but a home allowing all of them to stay together was not found. This is a situation close to home. Some of my extended family members took in siblings in a situation similar to the Little House on the Prairie episode. For my family, the siblings were not able to stay in the same house, but most of the siblings were able to stay in the same family. This allows them to still see each other at family gatherings or other times. Sure, I would love to see sibling sets live together, but it is just hard to find homes for them. I would love to welcome a sibling set into our home. We are in a good spot for that since we do not have children yet. Even when we do have children, I would still like to take in a sibling set. We'll see what God wants for us in that area. It is definitely something to think about! Would you be willing to adopt a sibling set?

Many issues surface to the top of the water when really investigating the ocean depths of adoption! Even a television show set in the 1800s sought to advocate adoption and finding homes for orphans. Adoption is certainly not a new concept and is certainly a concept still necessary for consideration. After all, God adopts!

Why do people have to wait so long to adopt?

One of my 7th grade students asked a great question last week: "Mrs. Miller, why do people have to wait so long to adopt?" Of course I took the opportunity presented to me and shared the answer to his question. . .

There are a number of reasons why adoption takes so long.

• The time frame depends on the location of the adoption and the situation of the adoption. 
• When adopting internationally, most processes involve adoptive parents to not only complete US paperwork, but also international paperwork. The paperwork is then shipped/delivered to the designated country for further processing. Adoptive parents then have to wait longer for the country to give approval of the adoption. Then the adoptive parents often have to travel to the country, be matched with a child, go through a "trial" period, have a court date, go to doctor visits, get child documents, etc. 
• Adoption has changed with time. The process is much longer now. 
• One person can spoil it for the whole bunch. Because of poor choices made by some adoptive parents, countries are taking more precautions with adoptions.
• Takes time to raise money.
• Home studies take time - months sometimes.
• In our situation, we are waiting on a birth mother to choose us for her adoption plan.
• God has so much to teach adoptive families while they wait.
• Preparations.
• Documents take time to process (ex. waiting on fingerprints or FBI approval)
• Road bumps and hurdles (paperwork is time-sensitive, something may get lost, something additional might arise, travel issues, countries changing policies, etc.).
• Court - Adoptions are not always final once a child is placed in a home. Adoptive parents and adoptees must still make a court appearance for a judge to finalize the adoption.
• Follow up visits are often required.
• Protection of all parties involved.
• Bottom line . . . adoption is a process.

Where did the idea of adoption come from?

The God of the Bible began the idea of adoption. For those who surrender their lives to follow Jesus Christ, God adopts them as His sons and daughters! Check out our adoption stories! We are son and daughter of Almighty God! We have been redeemed forever! God is our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally for eternity! We are children of God!

Heart Change . . . Lives Changed

Eric and I first talked about adoption during our dating days. When we seriously started considering adoption later in our marriage, we were initially going to adopt a baby. We wanted to adopt the youngest child possible from another country. Once we were introduced to an international hosting program in 2009, our hearts began to change. God opened our eyes to adopting older children, and two at that! Never in our wildest imagination would we have ever pictured ourselves adopting two older children, especially at the same time! Once our eyes first viewed the picture of the girls we would host, we were hooked. It was love at first sight! When we first hugged those girls at the airport in December 2009, we knew that we would do whatever it took to have those girls as a part of our family forever. Although that didn't turn out to be the final outcome, God still allowed us the opportunity to pour into the lives of those two girls. Those girls were loved, experienced family, and learned about Jesus. Pray that God will continue to use the two Christmas hostings in our home to remind Princesses 1 and 2 that God loves them!

Are you interested in reaching out to orphans but don't have the funds?

God can provide them. He provided for us in abundance! 

Are you interested in reaching out to orphans but don't have the time or means?

You can pray.

Are you interested in reaching out to orphans but don't want to host them in your home?

You can financially support those who can.

Are you interested in reaching out to orphans but aren't in the position to adopt?

You can host them in your home!

Are you interested in hosting an orphan in your home?

Contact New Horizons for Children

New Horizons for Children was our avenue for hosting orphans in our home. New Horizons for Children is an international hosting agency based out of Acworth, GA. For some of you, that's your back yard! However, you can live in any part of the United States to host a child through this agency. This agency is NOT an adoption agency, but it does offer family opportunities to orphans by bringing them to the United States for month-long stays with host families. During their stay they are loved on, have physical needs met (dentist, etc.), receive clothing essentials, experience American culture, learn English, hear about Jesus, and are a part of a family for a month.

If you are interested in participating in reaching out to orphans through New Horizons for Children, act now! A new group of children will come in June or July, so the application process is starting now. Click here to visit the agency website for more information. Use this new year to not just make changes in your own life, but use it to make changes in the lives of others.

Waiting to be Adopted

Our first adoption journey was about what this video points out. Through our adoption journey we have learned that some people believe the best circumstance for adoption is adopting a baby. We are adopting a baby because that is what God has called us to do as a couple at this time. Our decision to adopt a baby was not based upon the popular opinion of that being the "best" age to adopt. Yes, there are advantages to adopting a baby, but there are many older children in need of families, too. Sure it would have been tough for us to adopt two older children. I would have been almost 29 with a sixth grader and a third grader! Of course there would have been baggage and unknowns. There would have been challenges of past hurt and emotion. Adjustments to a new country, a new family, new friends, and a new everything would have been part of it. However, those girls have the same desires that little babies grow up to have . . . to be loved, to be accepted, to be successful . . . Hear it from these kids. Check out the video below (only a few minutes long - it's worth the time). Video taken from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40fwJq0x2ro&feature=related.

Eric's Sermon . . . and an Unexpected Blessing

Eric's Sermon
Yesterday Eric had the privilege of bringing God's Word to our church congregation. What an exciting way to begin the new year! Our pastor asked Eric to preach for him, so Eric greatly welcomed that opportunity! You'll never guess what God laid upon his heart to preach about . . . ADOPTION! Our pastor just concluded a series on the cross and the cradle, highlighting important parts of Jesus' time from birth to the cross. Jesus was so much more than a baby or a man or a good teacher . . . He was and is and is to come - the forever King of Kings! What better way to follow up that series than to speak about what God says about our adoption as His sons and daughters! God adopted us, and for that I am eternally grateful!

LISTEN TO ERIC'S SERMON BY CLICKING HERE.
Sermon title: A New Way of Thinking

An Unexpected Blessing
At the end of the service, Eric and I were blessed with an unexpected prayer time. Pastor Perry came to the front of the sanctuary for his closing service remarks. Yesterday his remarks were different than we are used to. This time he mentioned to the congregation that Eric and I are adopting, and he invited our church family to join him in praying for our adoption - the illustration of what God did for us. He didn't stop there. Pastor Perry called us up front and had the church family come to the front and pray over us in regards to our adoption journey. This was really special. Eric did not preach about adoption to bring awareness to our adoption; he was genuinely preaching about our spiritual adoption - the topic and Scripture passage God impressed upon his heart.

This prayer time was so powerful. Having our church family support us in prayer means so much! We know God has big plans for our adoption journey, but with a prayer time like yesterday's, we can't expect anything less than God to have big plans for our adoption journey! Adoptive parents are not the only one's on an adoption journey. The birth parents, the birth parents' families, the case workers, the adoption agency, our families, us, our support system, you, and our church family. During the prayer, Pastor Perry prayed for our birth mom. That part of the prayer meant so much. Many people forget about the birth mom in situations like this, but she is such a special person! God has plans for her life, too! God loves her, too! I was telling Eric that I felt SO close and connected to our birth mom during that prayer yesterday. I have no idea who she is, but I love her and care for her so much! I feel like I already know her. That's what prayer can do. Prayer connects people in ways that nothing else can! Prayer is powerful! I can't wait to see how God answers the prayers of His people! 

Faces of the Fatherless: You Can Make a Difference