Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
My Bad Attitude
May 31st was a challenging and frustrating day for us. That was the day we had to go to the doctor to get our medical forms updated for our home study update paperwork. I know annual physicals are important to get, but I was not happy with why I had to go get one. In my mind, we weren't supposed to be updating our home study for our first adoption! I allowed that thought to make me so angry and in a bad mood while I was in the doctor's office.
While sitting in the nurse's office, I was asked many questions including the worst one of them all: "Have you ever been pregnant?" Really?! Did you really have to ask me that question . . . today?! Then she gave me my TB test injection in my arm while I thought about how absurd it was that I was having to get another TB test to update a piece of paper to say that I'm okay to be a parent. Having the annual procedures done was not fun, and then to top it all off I had the pleasure of having my blood taken! Ugh! I honestly think I hid my inner emotions well, but I was not a happy camper inside. If I would have been the only person in the doctor's office, I probably would have cried!
Was my attitude the right one to have? Absolutely not, but that was honestly what I was thinking. The first time I had a physical for our adoption paperwork I was thinking, "This is worth it because this is what will help me be able to go adopt our international princesses in August." Not this time! I still knew deep down that the same was true: this was another step that will allow us to meet our future child, but I had my focus on the wrong side of my situation.
Later that day I learned about a very difficult situation that a very special friend was battling, and that put everything in perspective. Who am I that I should be wallowing in my self pity over a good doctors visit with a good doctor's report when someone else is experiencing sincere pain and grief for a legitimate and very hard reason?! My heart became heavy for her and I prayed extra hard for her. I was so humbled and reminded of God's plan and timing. He knows best . . . always! Even though I don't always understand why adoptive parents have to go through so much to adopt a child, God would still like me to have a good attitude and trust in Him. Adoption is truly a process . . . a refining process!
While sitting in the nurse's office, I was asked many questions including the worst one of them all: "Have you ever been pregnant?" Really?! Did you really have to ask me that question . . . today?! Then she gave me my TB test injection in my arm while I thought about how absurd it was that I was having to get another TB test to update a piece of paper to say that I'm okay to be a parent. Having the annual procedures done was not fun, and then to top it all off I had the pleasure of having my blood taken! Ugh! I honestly think I hid my inner emotions well, but I was not a happy camper inside. If I would have been the only person in the doctor's office, I probably would have cried!
Was my attitude the right one to have? Absolutely not, but that was honestly what I was thinking. The first time I had a physical for our adoption paperwork I was thinking, "This is worth it because this is what will help me be able to go adopt our international princesses in August." Not this time! I still knew deep down that the same was true: this was another step that will allow us to meet our future child, but I had my focus on the wrong side of my situation.
Later that day I learned about a very difficult situation that a very special friend was battling, and that put everything in perspective. Who am I that I should be wallowing in my self pity over a good doctors visit with a good doctor's report when someone else is experiencing sincere pain and grief for a legitimate and very hard reason?! My heart became heavy for her and I prayed extra hard for her. I was so humbled and reminded of God's plan and timing. He knows best . . . always! Even though I don't always understand why adoptive parents have to go through so much to adopt a child, God would still like me to have a good attitude and trust in Him. Adoption is truly a process . . . a refining process!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The Other Side
On our side of the adoption process, we are having fun preparing a baby room and making preparations to be parents. Although the waiting is a challenge, it's nothing in comparison to the challenges birth moms are facing. On the other side of our adoption process is a birth mom dealing with a crisis pregnancy with possibly no support; at the same time she is trying to cope with developing an adoption plan and the sacrifice of parental rights. The birth mom perspective was told to us before, but it changed from a story to a reality when we actually saw adoption from a birth mom's perspective.
About 1 1/2 months ago, TLC aired a special documentary about birth moms. The show was set in Utah at a home for birth moms anticipating adoption. The three moms showed were very different from each other. Despite their differences in backgrounds and personalities, they were facing the same challenging decision - creating an adoption plan. All three of these courageous women did follow through with their adoption plan, but it didn't come easy for them.
Portfolio Search: For many domestic adoptions, birth moms/birth parents are able to chose a family for her/their child. If using an agency, birth moms are given multiple portfolios to view (like what we created). They look through those portfolios to narrow down their options of who they would like to parent their children. For one of the individuals on the show, she was cutting it close. She was very close to her due date but still hadn't found the family she wanted for her baby. Her case worker showed her some portfolios, but she didn't like those. She was shown more portfolios but didn't like those, either. Finally, she requested about 20 more portfolios to view. It was so difficult for her to pick a family! I'm sure their were many amazing and loving families in that pile that would have been great, but the birth mom had to find the right one for her that she thought would be perfect for her son or daughter. Think about it: You are a mom in a crisis pregnancy situation. No matter what circumstances led to your pregnancy, you are still a mom of a child. You carry that child for months while you try to decide who you will give your child to after it is born because your circumstances aren't the best for your child. That has to be really really hard! To allow someone else to parent one's child is an honorable and sacrificial display of love, because letting go of that child must be hard. I can understand why finding the right portfolio is difficult! Once a family is chosen by the birth mom, the birth mom has the option of meeting with that family for an interview-type situation.
Meeting Families: Some birth moms like to meet their prospective adoptive family prior to the adoption. Meeting a family is not a guarantee of adoption, but it's purpose is to help the birth mom see what the couple in the portfolio is like in person. On the show we watched, the visits went well. The mom, case worker, and prospective adoptive family met together at restaurants. They asked each other questions, talked about their desires for the child, etc. Once the meeting was over, the birth moms still had the chance to go home and think about the meeting to make a decision. The decision can take as long as the birth mom wants it to, but these three women were getting stressed out because they wanted to choose families prior to their fast-approaching delivery dates. Once a family was officially selected by a birth mom, that family was notified (although a birth mom can still change her mind for a period of time after giving birth). Just as the prospective adoptive parents are dealing with an emotional roller coaster, so are the birth moms. As the show displayed, the birth moms were still questioning their decision, going to doctor appointments, making preparations for birth, figuring out what to do and where to go after birth, etc. Then the day finally comes . . . the birth day.
Birth: Birthing time at the hospital was so difficult for the moms shown on the television documentary. They were facing an array of pains: pains of labor, pains of no support, pains of the difficult decision ahead, pains . . . These women were extremely emotional and having a really hard time. They had carried a child full term and then had to go through the challenges of labor. Next to them is a caring case worker who is also dealing with emotional struggles as she tries to be the support and encouragement these women need. Once the pains of labor are over, the moms face the pain of decision: to hold the child or not to hold the child, to see the child or not see the child, to change her mind to parent or stick with her adoption plan . . . On the documentary, the moms decided to hold their babies at least once. Imagine holding your baby and thinking of all your dreams for him or her and realizing that you may never see him or her again. I still can't grasp that, but that's what birth moms face all the time. Once the birth is over, it's time for the final decision: surrender parental rights or not.
Signing Papers: Signing papers to relinquish parental rights was the part of the documentary that hit me the most. These women had a hard time with this, and rightfully so. They wanted to be able to parent their child, but they knew their circumstances weren't good for their babies. They wanted what was best for their child, but letting go was hard. Putting the pen to the paper must have been the worst pain their hearts had ever felt! The birth moms cried and cried. One signed the papers and said to take the papers away because she didn't want to look at them anymore. Another one took extra time signing her papers because she almost changed her mind (and the prospective adoptive parents were in the waiting room and had already been in the birthing room). This was a challenging time for the case workers as well since they had to watch all of this happen in their faces.
After all is said and done, the birth moms leave the hospital . . . with no baby. My heart hurt so much for them! They loved their children so much that they chose to allow someone else to parent them. Sound familiar? God gave up His one and only son Jesus so that I could be adopted by God in return. That's love! Just like any loving parent, these birth moms had to go through a time of grieving their loss. While a couple is celebrating having a new child in their home, a birth mom is weeping at having a child not at her home. However, the three moms were happy with their decision and followed through with their adoption plans. They were able to move on because they knew that their children were being well taken care of and loved. They each went on to pursue their dreams and get back on their feet.
Yes, being a prospective adoptive parent comes with sacrifices, but often the birth mom's sacrifices are overlooked. I will forever love and admire our birth mom, even if I never get to meet her in person. I am so thankful I was able to view this birth mom documentary. It was eye-opening and insightful. My perspective was definitely altered for the better. Eric and I have days where waiting for God's child for us is hard, but knowing what's happening on the other side makes a difference. Somewhere else in Georgia is a lady in a crisis pregnancy situation making one of the toughest decisions of her life. Who am I to rush that or complain about that? She needs support, patience, and understanding. She needs someone else praying for her. She needs God's strength and wisdom just like we do. Who will take care of her and reach out to her? Adoption is a ministry, so consider the other side.
About 1 1/2 months ago, TLC aired a special documentary about birth moms. The show was set in Utah at a home for birth moms anticipating adoption. The three moms showed were very different from each other. Despite their differences in backgrounds and personalities, they were facing the same challenging decision - creating an adoption plan. All three of these courageous women did follow through with their adoption plan, but it didn't come easy for them.
Portfolio Search: For many domestic adoptions, birth moms/birth parents are able to chose a family for her/their child. If using an agency, birth moms are given multiple portfolios to view (like what we created). They look through those portfolios to narrow down their options of who they would like to parent their children. For one of the individuals on the show, she was cutting it close. She was very close to her due date but still hadn't found the family she wanted for her baby. Her case worker showed her some portfolios, but she didn't like those. She was shown more portfolios but didn't like those, either. Finally, she requested about 20 more portfolios to view. It was so difficult for her to pick a family! I'm sure their were many amazing and loving families in that pile that would have been great, but the birth mom had to find the right one for her that she thought would be perfect for her son or daughter. Think about it: You are a mom in a crisis pregnancy situation. No matter what circumstances led to your pregnancy, you are still a mom of a child. You carry that child for months while you try to decide who you will give your child to after it is born because your circumstances aren't the best for your child. That has to be really really hard! To allow someone else to parent one's child is an honorable and sacrificial display of love, because letting go of that child must be hard. I can understand why finding the right portfolio is difficult! Once a family is chosen by the birth mom, the birth mom has the option of meeting with that family for an interview-type situation.
Meeting Families: Some birth moms like to meet their prospective adoptive family prior to the adoption. Meeting a family is not a guarantee of adoption, but it's purpose is to help the birth mom see what the couple in the portfolio is like in person. On the show we watched, the visits went well. The mom, case worker, and prospective adoptive family met together at restaurants. They asked each other questions, talked about their desires for the child, etc. Once the meeting was over, the birth moms still had the chance to go home and think about the meeting to make a decision. The decision can take as long as the birth mom wants it to, but these three women were getting stressed out because they wanted to choose families prior to their fast-approaching delivery dates. Once a family was officially selected by a birth mom, that family was notified (although a birth mom can still change her mind for a period of time after giving birth). Just as the prospective adoptive parents are dealing with an emotional roller coaster, so are the birth moms. As the show displayed, the birth moms were still questioning their decision, going to doctor appointments, making preparations for birth, figuring out what to do and where to go after birth, etc. Then the day finally comes . . . the birth day.
Birth: Birthing time at the hospital was so difficult for the moms shown on the television documentary. They were facing an array of pains: pains of labor, pains of no support, pains of the difficult decision ahead, pains . . . These women were extremely emotional and having a really hard time. They had carried a child full term and then had to go through the challenges of labor. Next to them is a caring case worker who is also dealing with emotional struggles as she tries to be the support and encouragement these women need. Once the pains of labor are over, the moms face the pain of decision: to hold the child or not to hold the child, to see the child or not see the child, to change her mind to parent or stick with her adoption plan . . . On the documentary, the moms decided to hold their babies at least once. Imagine holding your baby and thinking of all your dreams for him or her and realizing that you may never see him or her again. I still can't grasp that, but that's what birth moms face all the time. Once the birth is over, it's time for the final decision: surrender parental rights or not.
Signing Papers: Signing papers to relinquish parental rights was the part of the documentary that hit me the most. These women had a hard time with this, and rightfully so. They wanted to be able to parent their child, but they knew their circumstances weren't good for their babies. They wanted what was best for their child, but letting go was hard. Putting the pen to the paper must have been the worst pain their hearts had ever felt! The birth moms cried and cried. One signed the papers and said to take the papers away because she didn't want to look at them anymore. Another one took extra time signing her papers because she almost changed her mind (and the prospective adoptive parents were in the waiting room and had already been in the birthing room). This was a challenging time for the case workers as well since they had to watch all of this happen in their faces.
After all is said and done, the birth moms leave the hospital . . . with no baby. My heart hurt so much for them! They loved their children so much that they chose to allow someone else to parent them. Sound familiar? God gave up His one and only son Jesus so that I could be adopted by God in return. That's love! Just like any loving parent, these birth moms had to go through a time of grieving their loss. While a couple is celebrating having a new child in their home, a birth mom is weeping at having a child not at her home. However, the three moms were happy with their decision and followed through with their adoption plans. They were able to move on because they knew that their children were being well taken care of and loved. They each went on to pursue their dreams and get back on their feet.
Yes, being a prospective adoptive parent comes with sacrifices, but often the birth mom's sacrifices are overlooked. I will forever love and admire our birth mom, even if I never get to meet her in person. I am so thankful I was able to view this birth mom documentary. It was eye-opening and insightful. My perspective was definitely altered for the better. Eric and I have days where waiting for God's child for us is hard, but knowing what's happening on the other side makes a difference. Somewhere else in Georgia is a lady in a crisis pregnancy situation making one of the toughest decisions of her life. Who am I to rush that or complain about that? She needs support, patience, and understanding. She needs someone else praying for her. She needs God's strength and wisdom just like we do. Who will take care of her and reach out to her? Adoption is a ministry, so consider the other side.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Covenant Care's 12th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 6/27/2012
The placement below is an extra special one to me. Maybe a month or
two ago, Eric and I saw a television show about adoption, except this
time is was from the perspective of the birth moms and case workers. It
opened our eyes to what is really going on on the other side. (I'll have
a separate post for this later.) Ever since viewing that show, I have
been burdened more than ever for birth moms and the case workers.
Our home study update was supposed to take place on June 12th. Our case worker contacted us a few days prior to let us know that she needed to change the date because one of her birth moms (because she is also a birth mom case worker in addition to being an adoption case worker) was going to have her baby on June 12th.
When June 12th rolled around, my heart was SO heavy and SO burdened for this birth mom and our case worker. I don't even know who this mom is, but I just hurt so much for her. God put the birth mom and our case worker on my mind ALL day! I prayed so hard for both of them for so many things.
When our case worker came for our home study update on June 20th (post later about this), I shared with her my heart and prayers for that June 12th day. She thanked me and said that that birth mom really needed that and so did she. That particular birth mom had NO ONE . . . no family . . . no friends . . . That is a HARD process that the birth moms go through, so I can't imagine how much harder it must have been to go it alone, except for a case worker. This was also a challenge for our case worker because it was an exhausting time and a spiritual battle.
This video is so special to me because it is the placement that I was blessed with praying for! This was the first time I knew the exact time when a birth mom was in the hospital and the first time I knew exactly when our case worker was working with a birth mom. It's amazing how close you can become to someone you don't know just by praying for her!
You can be a part of many adoption processes, too! PRAY! Take some time today to pray for the birth moms who are making/following through with adoption plans. Pray for the case workers who work with these birth moms. They need it!
Our home study update was supposed to take place on June 12th. Our case worker contacted us a few days prior to let us know that she needed to change the date because one of her birth moms (because she is also a birth mom case worker in addition to being an adoption case worker) was going to have her baby on June 12th.
When June 12th rolled around, my heart was SO heavy and SO burdened for this birth mom and our case worker. I don't even know who this mom is, but I just hurt so much for her. God put the birth mom and our case worker on my mind ALL day! I prayed so hard for both of them for so many things.
When our case worker came for our home study update on June 20th (post later about this), I shared with her my heart and prayers for that June 12th day. She thanked me and said that that birth mom really needed that and so did she. That particular birth mom had NO ONE . . . no family . . . no friends . . . That is a HARD process that the birth moms go through, so I can't imagine how much harder it must have been to go it alone, except for a case worker. This was also a challenge for our case worker because it was an exhausting time and a spiritual battle.
This video is so special to me because it is the placement that I was blessed with praying for! This was the first time I knew the exact time when a birth mom was in the hospital and the first time I knew exactly when our case worker was working with a birth mom. It's amazing how close you can become to someone you don't know just by praying for her!
You can be a part of many adoption processes, too! PRAY! Take some time today to pray for the birth moms who are making/following through with adoption plans. Pray for the case workers who work with these birth moms. They need it!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
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