Covenant Care's 17th Adoption Placement of 2012 - 8/10/12

Renovations Part I

This summer was a time of room renovations! Our home owners were so gracious to let us paint our baby room and our exchange student's room. My mom came to help me paint one week while Eric was in North Carolina for his doctoral class. Then we finished up the painting when he returned. The project took MUCH longer than anticipated. The primer we were using at first turned out to be this almost neon greenish yellowish color. Mom and I kept thinking it would get better. :) The top coat paint color ended up being a BRIGHT yellow. Yellow and cheerful we wanted, but you know the paint is bright when you go to a room across the hall and think the light is on in the other room but it's really not. It was way too bright - headache bright. Eric came home after 2 primer coats and 1 top coat in one room and trim in the second room. We went the next morning I found some new yellow paint. The people at Sherwin Williams were so nice and exchanged our paint. I discovered that I LOVE painters tape! My mom can paint a straight line in good time without painters tape. I can paint a straight line if I take FOREVER because I like everything to be just right. I finally gave in to the painters tape and felt so free because I didn't have to worry about painting a straight line! Mom and I had such a special week together working in the rooms. It was nice to finally make some progress in the rooms and to start getting them ready at the start of the summer. The painting week was also VBS week, so it definitely made for a crazy week. Thank you, Mom, for coming to help me and spend time with me! I love and appreciate you!!!! Thanks also goes out to my granddad for helping us get the paint we needed. Rachel and our future baby will be so blessed! Finally having paint on the wall created just the canvas needed to get the rooms on their way to readiness. Enjoy the painting pictures!

 The pictures don't do justice to the new room color, but it really turned out well. Once the painting was done, decorating began. Stay tuned for the real room transformations. :)

Covenant Care's 16th Adoption Placement for 2012 - 8/7/12

Home Study Update

What is a home study update?
A home study is required for both domestic and international adoptions. It is a close study of the adoptive parent(s) home and those who dwell in that residence. Initial home studies require several meetings with a case worker that involve MANY questions (family history, personal history, marriage (if married), finances, parenting, medical history, etc.). The initial visit also involves TONS of paperwork and documentation (fingerprints, GBI papers, medicals, bios, home checklist, family and personal history, etc. - many of the same pieces of information that come up in the home study questioning steps). The first visits with a case worker are away from the home, but the final one is held at the adoptive parent(s) home. This allows a case worker to check the safety and condition of the home. Then the case worker compiles all of the home study notes and writes the home study (a long document that puts all of the home study information into paragraphs to make the adoptive parent(s) look good on paper). A home study is only valid for one year. A home study update involves updating paperwork and a home visit. Then the case worker must rewrite or change the home study document. Our first home study document was around 11 single-spaced typed pages!

What's involved in a home study update?
- Scheduling a visit. Our visit was scheduled later than it needed to be because I wanted to finish out the semester. Then our case worker had to reschedule because she was with a birth mom at the hospital at the time of our originally-scheduled visit. In hindsight, June 20th was God's perfect timing for our home study.
- Updating paperwork. We had to complete the following paperwork for our update: medical form, home safety checklist, dog vaccine documentation, child preference checklist, racial questionnaire, confidentiality form, copies of birth and marriage certificates, family history form, tax papers, a 13-page formal application, and salvation testimonies. Some of these papers weren't on file yet because our previous home study was accepted and used.
- Another payment - $400.
- Preparations of the home for the visit.
- Completing the home visit.
- Waiting for the case worker to write the home study update.

What preparations must be made for a home study update?
- Completion of paperwork (includes a doctor visit).
- Getting the house ready (making sure the house is clean and safe). As usual, I did more than I needed to. I even reorganized our hall closet, but that wasn't necessary.
- Prayer

What is a home study update visit like?
Our home study visit was worshipful and special. Our case worker arrived at 10:30 and stayed until at least 12:00. Most of the visit took place on our living room couch as Eric and I shared all that God had been teaching us during our time of waiting. We also shared about our feelings and experiences throughout the process. Our case worker asked us some questions, but nothing as grueling as our first home study. Our case worker also gave us words of encouragement. We found out that even though we hadn't been chosen yet to her knowledge, out portfolio has been shown. It was a HUGE encouragement to us to know that our portfolio has at least gone across a table somewhere. After our time of couch conversation, we gave our case worker a tour of our home.  

What does it mean that the home study update visit is complete?
Having an updated home study means that all our paperwork is current for us to adopt. Our home study update has been written, but we still have some additional forms to complete that we recently found out about. We also have to get a medical form completed for our exchange student as well as have another home visit so our case worker can meet our exchange student. There's always something. :)

Unveiled

A common part of a bride's attire is a veil. The wedding veil I wore in my wedding was also worn by Eric's mom at her wedding. Traditionally, wedding veils are used to cover a bride's face until she is either given away by her father or before the big kiss. My wedding veil was actually just for looks. I never wore it over my face because I didn't want anything shielding my view of my husband.

Another type of face covering is a mask. Not all masks cover the eyes, but they do alter the appearance of the one wearing the mask. As said best by my college girls this summer after wearing a mask for only a short time, "Masks are uncomfortable. They are distracting. I can't see everything. It's hard to focus." Well said, girls! That's exactly what masks do, and that's exactly why I didn't want my wedding veil over my face!

Although I haven't been wearing a physical veil or mask over my face, I have been unknowingly wearing a veil or mask for years. However, I didn't know about it until this adoption process. Erin, wearing a mask? Yep! I couldn't believe it either and had a hard time coming to grips with that idea, but it's true. What mask have I been wearing? A mask of the try-hard life.

What's the try-hard life?
- setting expectations upon yourself that no one else even knows about or assigned to you
- putting too much effort into things that could be simplified
- letting the to-do list that you made up for yourself that didn't really need to be done consume time that was needed for something important
- pleasing people and making sure that everyone is happy and not upset at you
- trying to make things right that only God can make right
- doing good things but not checking with God first to make sure those good things are good things He wants done by you
- beating yourself up inside when you can't perform tasks the way you think you should
- putting on a face that everything is okay and that you have everything together

Masks and veils are blinders. For years I thought that doing the right thing was so important. I had to make all A's. I had to have everything in my classroom just right. I had to dust the top of the book case before company came over. I had to do as much with our college girls as I possibly could. I had to act like I was fine even when I wasn't because someone had to be the strong one. WHO SAID I HAD TO DO ALL THAT?! I did! I got upset at myself when I had to grade papers instead of meet one of our college girls for coffee because college pastor's wives should be able to be there for their students 24/7 and I couldn't. I got upset at myself when I couldn't have the house look as nice for Eric as I thought it should. I got upset at myself when I was behind on laundry because a good wife is always up-to-date on laundry. I got upset when I knew I unknowingly upset friends, because friends are not supposed to make other people hurt. WHO GAVE ME ALL OF THOSE WIFE, PASTOR'S WIFE, AND FRIEND EXPECTATIONS?! I did! I thought that if I shared what I was really thinking with someone that I would be a burden, even though I was willing to give hours of listening ears and encouragement to help someone else who was struggling. I spent so much time trying to make others happy that I wasn't taking care of my own needs. I have always been a peacemaker when God is the only one that can bring true peace. I have always tried to be a people-pleaser when only God can please all people. I was blind!!! All those years gone by and I thought I was helping people. I was helping people, but I was also hurting myself at the same time. I finally realized that I have been trying to be who I thought I should be instead of just being who God made me to be.

Mirrors reveal so much! I have had many mirrors in my path, especially over this past year . . . mirrors of friends, books, circumstances, and God's Word. Although the mask I had on was completely unintentional and unnoticed on my own face, I saw it so clearly when I was forced to look in the mirror. I knew people wore masks, but I didn't know that I was one of them. Once God opened my eyes to it, I had two options - be in bondage and keep it on, or be free and take it off. I chose freedom.

True freedom comes from God's grace. That's the part I had missed for so long. I've been a Christian for 22 years and can tell people all about God's grace, but I wasn't living in the freedom of God's grace. Grace: receiving something you don't deserve; benevolence; favor. God is the grace-giver! I even have those words on our baby room wall, but I didn't fully grasp that until recently. God's Word says in 2 Corinthians 3:16-17, ". . . whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." John 8:31-32 also talks about freedom when Jesus says the following: "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." Having freedom in Christ is a display of God's grace. The words of the Lord spoken to Paul are still relevant to us today: "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Paul even says in 1 Corinthians 15:10 that ". . . by the grace of God I am what I am . . ." What it really boils down to is this: I had to realize that even though I knew I wasn't perfect, I had to be okay with the fact that it is okay for other people to know that I'm not perfect. I've always had trouble sharing when I was struggling or when I needed prayer or admitting that I was sick. God's power is perfected in my weakness! I should embrace my weaknesses, because my weaknesses show how great my God is. My eyes have been opened to so many other people, even in church, who are acting like they have it all together and really don't. Who said we had to go through life alone and deal with life's problems alone? When we let down our pride and be who God wants us to be and not who we think we should be, we can experience the freedom of God's grace. It's God's grace that has already removed the ultimate veil, so why put on another one?  

My veil officially came all the way off on June 20, 2012 - the morning of our home study update. Thirty minutes prior to our caseworker's arrival, I was turning through Scripture to read about spiritual adoption. On my way to the spiritual adoption passage I passed a verse about grace. The word grace just popped off the page as if it was yelling at me. Since God had already been revealing my mask to me and teaching me about grace, I had to stop and read the verse again. Then the Holy Spirit just came all over me! I'm not a crier, but I began to weep! I couldn't help it! I was so overwhelmed when it finally clicked! It was like a huge weight had been removed from me. In those moments I had another revelation . . .

Often times in the middle of waiting periods we ask, "God, why are you having me go through this? What are you trying to teach me?" I received an answer to my why and what questions on that June 20th morning. In the midst of God's presence and outpouring of grace's freedom, I realized that God has had me in this adoption waiting period to teach me God's grace. Charis is a name that we have always loved since our seminary days - it's Greek for grace. That came back to me as I realized that although we've never met our little Charis/Grace, God has already used her (or him) to teach me God's grace! Our child might not even be born yet, but God has used that child to reveal to me the freedom that is found in God's grace. This was such a monumental and life-changing moment for me. It gave me so much more peace about our adoption. I know I will need to live in the freedom of God's grace as a mom, so I'm thankful I was able to learn this lesson on this side of parenthood! Even in the waiting God is working!