Their Names Mean Brave

Behind every cover of a book is a story. Behind every play is a director. Behind every door is a gateway. Behind every adoption is a heart - the heart of a birthmom, the heart of the adoptive child, the heart of the adoptive parent, the heart of the adoptive family caseworker, the heart of the birthmother caseworker. So much goes on behind the scenes of an adoption. My sons did not just fall on my front doorstep by a stork or an Amazon Prime shipment. Adoption involves prayer, patience, and sacrifice. Adoptive families make sacrifices to adopt, but birthmother's are the ones who truly exemplify sacrifice.

My name was the witness signature of a birthmother's adoption paperwork in November. I saw her hold her son for the last time as she sat on her hospital bed and signed her adoption plan papers. Ten days after that signature was signed, her parental rights were officially surrendered to allow her son to enter the care of a family she lovingly chose to parent him. As one of the four people to sign those papers and see firsthand the birthmother's pen form a life-changing signature, my love for birthmoms grew greater than it already was.

My name was the signature on the card we gave Zeke's birthmother when we met with her in early April. I saw her expressions as she spoke with us. I heard her heart as she asked important questions regarding her son's future parents. I'll never forget the words she softly spoke when talking about her hopes and dreams for her son: "I hope he doesn't hate me for this." I maintained my composure, but inside I was crying the tears she was fighting back. Zeke's Birthmom, your son will always hear from us about how much you love him! That meeting showed another layer of pain and loss that birthmothers face. It also showed another layer of love that birthmothers give.

My name was the signature on the adoption papers to bring Eli and Zeke into our family. My signature signified that now I was forever Mom to these two amazing boys. That completed signature line indicated that motherly responsibilities were now upon me. I gladly welcomed them - the responsibility and my sons. I sadly grieved along with the birthmothers who are mourning their loss. Again, my love and admiration for birthmothers grew.

Their names were the signatures that gave me two amazing gifts called Elijah and Ezekiel. Their names I pray for every day. Their names I remember. Their names I admire. Their names mean brave.

 

The Adoption Roller Coaster Part 1

Roller coaster rides at theme parks invoke excitement, thrill, energy, and suspense that often leave riders with the desire to stand in hour-long lines just for the 30-second satisfaction of riding them all over again. (Or, you may be like me and leave roller coaster rides with nauseousness and the need for a chiropractic adjustment!) The adoption process often feels like a roller coaster ride - moments of ups and downs, twists and turns, knowns and unknowns, smooth spots and jerky times, straight paths and winding curves, tears and laughter, thrills and disappointments, surprises and reality. Regardless of the roller coaster highs and lows, adoptive families still find themselves waiting in line to embark on the adoption roller coaster ride all over again. 

This past year of adoption felt like a roller coaster - an emotional roller coaster! The waiting time was easier for me because of having Eli to love on and having so much work to do, but Eric found the wait a struggle. The wait for our second son was shorter than the wait for our first son, but it still left us with feelings of concern as to whether adoption was really going to happen for us again. In those moments of uncertainty, there was nothing else to do but stay in the waiting line of God's perfect timing and complete control. 

Adoption is a roller coaster of trust - trust in the Lord! We saw this in action in late January when we had an adoption miscarriage. On January 19th, we were asked by our caseworker to pray about a certain situation and to submit an updated child preference form. We did. While conducting class the following day, I received a call from Eric letting me know that we had been matched! The time had come!!!! We had waited in the roller coaster line for so long to hear this exciting news! We agreed to meet with the birthmother that Friday. On Wednesday, we received news of our "daughter's" birth and saw her picture! She was beautiful and we were excited! We had even picked out her name! By Thursday, our emotional roller coaster took a turn that left us disappointed. The birthmom decided to parent. That's good for her but challenging for us. We waited in line to ride THAT ride?!?! That's a very natural response once so invested into a situation with great possibilities, but then there was a change of heart. Yes, we had waited in line for THAT ride! It was difficult, but it was worth it. It was all part of the adoption story God was writing for us. Trusting in God was necessary (as it always is). If nothing else, that birthmom and beautiful girl received so much prayer support that week (and so did we). God even had us in the right spot with the right people at the right time. For example, I was meeting with an adoptive mom at the exact time of our "daughter's" birth. It was a gift from the Lord to walk through that week with a wonderful friend who had taken a similar ride before (except of a greater magnitude). Although it all happened so fast and didn't end the way we expected it would, it was all part of God's plan. His plan is perfect and His timing is perfect! We learned so much about faith that week - a lesson God had been teaching us simultaneously through another major life decision. Talk about an up and down mix of emotions on that brief part of our adoption roller coaster!!! God is faithful (as He always is), and was preparing us for the next thrill of our adoption roller coaster ride . . . 

At this very moment I see the blessing of waiting in line to ride the most thrilling adoption roller coaster - the roller coaster ride that led me to my second son. He sleeps in my arms this very moment! All six cuddly pounds of him warms my body and my heart. He sleeps so peacefully, unaware of all that just took place in his life. Although only his forever mommy for a few long days, it feels as if he has been a part of our family forever - I was just waiting to welcome him home! Now I sit on the joyous part of the ride, but I must admit, the month of April felt like riding on pins and needles in a dark tunnel (yet sensing a glimmer of light at the end). This part of the roller coaster ride was definitely full of suspense! . . .

The Latest News

Many people are starting to ask, "So, what is the latest adoption news?" We hadn't heard anything until this week. This week our caseworker asked us some more specific questions regarding our openness about certain situations. That part is always tough because we want to make sure we answer the way God would have us answer. We want the child(ren) in our home that God wants in our home. This question opened up the opportunity for Eric to ask if our portfolio has been shown. We found out that it is actively being shown to birthmoms. Our caseworker could not tell us anything more than that. We are not sure what that means, but last time our caseworker couldn't say anything, that meant that something was definitely in the works. Every situation is different, though. Regardless of what that information means, it is so encouraging to know that birthmoms are actively viewing our portfolio! God has a very special plan, so we are excited to see that unfold! As we wait, we are enjoying loving on our son, raising support, focusing on what God has us doing right now, preparing for the next addition to our family, and praying hard! Thank you for taking this journey with us!!!!!!

Adoption Dance Challenge

Finally Paper Pregnant!

picture from www.negativepregnancytest.com and edited by me to read "Paper Pregnant"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's official! We are finally paper pregnant again! We found out via email, but it was still a positive test result. And it was definitely a test... of my faith and my patience. I'll be honest. I have taken many real pregnancy tests before... and at the time in secret so that my husband wouldn't know (I wanted it to be a surprise if it was positive!). Never a positive one. Don't feel bad about that, though. False pregnancy tests used to upset me, but Eli changed that for me. Once I held him for the first time, I never needed to see a positive biological pregnancy test. God has allowed me to be totally content with his plan for us to adopt. After all, He did adopt me! Adoption really is a beautiful picture of what God has done for those who choose to follow Him.

On Wednesday, August 6th, Eric and I received an email from our caseworker letting us know that we are now on the waiting list to adopt a child through Covenant Care! What started as an idea and a bunch of papers is now a reality. We are actually now waiting for a birthmom to select us as part of her adoption plan. That means that we are available, approved, and ready to parent another child when God sees that the time is right. We are here to support a birthmom in her time of need.

As an adoptive parent, hearing that you are on the waiting list really is like finding out that you are pregnant. No, I have no clue what the due date will be (could even be way more or way less than nine months). However, it does mean that another child will be joining our family. Finding out that you are pregnant is a REALLY BIG deal, so I had to celebrate...

Eric signing our last document!

School started back on August 7th. This time, however, I started back as a part-time teacher to have more mommy time! My mom spent the night with us on August 7th since Eli's babysitter was out of town. Our last document was submitted to Covenant Care on August 7th, so I just had to celebrate. I went to the store on my way home to get some bread for lunch and left with food for a special dinner and ingredients for cupcakes! :) I even bought pink, blue, and yellow cupcake liners since I don't know whether our future child will be a boy or a girl. I was just so excited that I decided to have a spur-of-the-moment party! My mom, Eli, and I made cupcakes and then my mom and I made a nicer dinner than usual. Our party didn't turn out exactly the way I had planned it to be, but it was fun. I really enjoyed getting to celebrate this big moment! Our future child might not be growing in my tummy, but he or she is definitely growing in my heart!

Almost There!

Next adoption update... since Mother's Day...

- We had our home study update visit 
- We turned in our portfolios
- Our portfolios were submitted to birth mom caseworkers at the end of May but can't be shown yet (we have had to submit extra paperwork and also had to send in our pre-placement fee and wait for our home study update to be written)
- Our home study update was finalized!
- We submitted an application for a matching grant from Promise686 (This is the organization we used for fundraising for Eli's adoption. Pray that we will be accepted!)
- Getting Eli's new room ready so that the nursery will be available for the next little one!

What's next?

- Wait for our money to be processed - For our portfolios to be shown, we had to have our home study update complete, we have to have proof that we can fund our adoption, and we have to have our pre-placement fee submitted.
- Hopefully that will mean birth moms can begin viewing our portfolio soon!

Mother's Day Announcement

I'm so thankful to be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom. This is a gift I do not take for granted, and my heart certainly goes out to the many women who wish they were a mom, lost a child, or lost a mom. I definitely count changing my son's messy diapers on Mother's Day as a gift instead of a disgusting task, because that means the child I longed for for so long is a reality.

We have been really really busy so I haven't given any updates on our son, but here are our Easter pictures! Our son is growing so fast and is developing quite the personality. :) He is truly a joy! Yesterday marks 17 months old!

It's time for our son to have a sibling, so it's with great excitement that we announce that our next adoption process has begun! We have started paperwork. Our homestudy update is May 13th. Our portfolios will be distributed on May 22nd! Yay! We are excited about seeing what God has in store for the future!